Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. – Brene Brown
The Purpose of this Exercise
The Self-Esteem Enhancer exercise is designed to give you a jolt of positive energy that can carry you through the day.
The primary purpose of this exercise is to boost your self-esteem and improve your self-confidence when you’re not feeling at your best.
This process of 10 steps is based on Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP) principles. NLP can help you rewrite habitual psychological patterns that no longer serve your best interests.
It’s helpful to work through this exercise at least once or twice per day when you’re struggling with bouts of low self-esteem.
You can, for instance, use it first thing in the morning to give yourself a boost as you kick off your day. You can also use it throughout the day whenever you need a dose of positive energy. And you can, of course, also work through this exercise at night before going to bed.
Only through consistent practice will you develop the necessary habitual patterns that will strengthen your confidence when facing the demands and challenges of everyday circumstances.
Who Should Work Through this Exercise
You should work through this exercise if you tend to struggle with low self-esteem or have difficulty getting through the challenges of the day.
If the challenges of the day overwhelm you, then this exercise will help give you that boost of self-confidence you need to get through life’s difficulties.
You will also find value working through this exercise if you tend to succumb to the fear of criticism, rejection, failure, embarrassment or making mistakes.
This exercise will help you find the self-confidence you need to feel more self-assured when facing the uncertainties of life.
The 10-Step Self-Esteem Enhancer Exercise
Step 1: Relax and Imagine
Begin by closing your eyes and relaxing your body. Breathe in and out several times making sure that your breaths are full and invigorating.
Now draw your attention to a person who genuinely cares and loves you. Imagine them in your minds-eye. Fully, experience the radiance of this person in your imagination.
Step 2: Imagine and Write
Imagine sitting at a large desk in an enchanted mystical room with magnificent ornaments and paintings.
There, you are sitting on a comfortable chair with a pen in hand, writing (and doodling) out your autobiography into a majestic hardcover book.
You are essentially writing the story of your life and how it has unfolded over the years from the day you were born. This includes all the wonderful things you have experienced, along with all the challenges you have faced over the years.
This autobiography you’re writing is about your entire life. It’s about your past, about your present, and also about the yet unwritten future that you are now starting to finally piece together.
As you continue writing you suddenly become aware of the loving person you previously had in mind. In fact, they are right there with you standing behind a glass door in another room. They are watching and observing, like a guardian angel protecting you from afar.
Step 3: Write and Feel
As you look back at this loving person, you begin to scribble notes about them in your autobiography. You describe their qualities, virtues, and features in detail on paper in front of your eyes.
You also think back to all the wonderful times that you both shared together and the love that they feel for you.
You look up for a moment and ask yourself:
How exactly do they make me feel whenever I’m around them?
How do they make me feel about myself when I’m in their presence?
How do they make me a better person when I’m in their company?
As you answer these questions, you experience a sudden jolt of confidence flowing through your body. You feel invigorated and inspired.
Step 4: Feel and Float
You observe this loving person from afar smiling back at you. It’s a warm and inviting smile that makes your heart sing.
Slowly but surely you’re drawn closer and closer to this person standing behind the glass door. In fact, a part of you detaches from your body and floats behind the glass door and stands next to this loving person.
Now, the both of you are watching and observing the “you” that stayed behind — the “you” that continues to write his/her autobiography.
Step 5: Look Back at Yourself
As you stand beside this loving person behind the glass door, you look back at your magnificent self sitting there at the desk.
You then momentarily reflect on your feelings and thoughts about yourself and wonder…
What do I look like from this perspective?
What thoughts do I have about myself?
What is this person I’m looking at and observing truly capable of?
What incredible things could this person potentially do with their life?
You reflect on these questions as you continue to watch and observe yourself sitting at the desk writing your autobiography.
Step 6: Step Inside Loving Person
Standing there, looking back at yourself, you decide to turn toward the loving person standing beside you.
You grab their hand and smile when all of a sudden you are drawn into them.
You, now, see through their eyes, listen through their ears, and feel through their heart as they watch and observe you from afar.
You are no longer “you.” You are instead a part of this person who deeply cares, loves, and adores you.
Step 7: Shift Your Perspective
As you experience this other person’s perspective of you, take time to think, observe, and consider how exactly they see you. Ask yourself:
What does this person think of me?
What feelings do they have toward me?
What amazing qualities do they see in me?
What do they believe I’m capable of?
You don’t judge or question the answers that come to you. You instead mindfully experience these answers and continue to feel the warm and positive energy emanating from your loved one.
Step 8: Transfer Person’s Perspective
Feeling what you now feel toward yourself, you progressively detach your awareness from this loving person.
As you detach yourself you transfer the feelings, words, emotions, and perspective that this person has toward you back into the body of the “you” sitting behind the desk.
As the transfer occurs, you notice yourself writing about the feelings that you just experienced.
You highlight what you feel and how that has shifted your perspective about life, about others, about yourself, and about the world around you.
Step 9: Write About Your Future
You now take all these positive feelings and begin writing about your future with a broad sense of appreciation.
As you continue to write, you ask yourself:
How am I now feeling about myself?
What do I feel capable of?
What future will I now create for myself?
What fears will I potentially strive to overcome?
What challenges am I willing and ready to tackle?
How will I now act with more confidence?
What’s different about me that will now drive me forward in a positive way?
You stop and take time to reflect on each of these questions.
You think about the profound impact that these new feelings and perspectives have on you, and you commit yourself to infusing this positive energy into everything that you do.
Step 10: Awaken to Self-Empowerment
As you conclude your autobiography, the lights in the mystic room slowly begin to dim. And as they dim, you progressively return back into your physical body.
You are now back in the present moment and time.
You open your eyes and feel a surge of positive energy coursing through your veins. You feel more alive and empowered than ever before. Anything and everything seems possible. And so you ask yourself:
What’s now possible?
What could I be, do, and have while adopting this new perspective?
What could I now do to make this an extraordinary day?
And, of course, the answers these questions help you build the foundations for the rest of your life. 🙂
Concluding Thoughts
This is, no doubt, a very straightforward exercise, and yet it can profoundly impact the level of self-esteem and self-confidence we experience throughout the day. And all it takes is a simple shift in perspective.
When we’re in a low and vulnerable place, it’s difficult to shift our perspective in helpful ways. However, what this exercise teaches us is that our “perspective” doesn’t necessarily need to be our own.
In fact, adopting someone else’s perspective can dramatically transform how we view ourselves, our world, and the circumstances of our lives.
You do, however, need to be open and willing to adopt this alternate perspective.
And, of course, the more often you work through this exercise, the deeper this perspective will become ingrained into your psyche. Until it eventually becomes your perspective.
Keep in mind that you can even work through this exercise while alternating between more than one person.
Each unique individual will have a slightly different perspective of you. They will see you in a different light, and will, therefore, provide you with an alternate viewpoint of what you’re potentially capable of in each situation.
And the more time you take to adopt these perspectives into your psyche, the more empowered you will feel.
And the more empowered you feel, the more confident and capable you will be when handling the difficulties that life often throws our way.
Time to Assimilate these Concepts
Did you gain value from this article? Is it important that you know and understand this topic? Would you like to optimize how you think about this topic? Would you like a method for applying these ideas to your life?
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