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Leaders, Don’t Make This Classic Mistake When Giving Constructive Feedback

Virtually every leader has been in this situation. One of your team members gives a presentation or presents a deliverable that is somewhere between lackluster and utterly disappointing. Afterwards, you know that you need to follow up with them to provide much needed constructive criticism to not just avoid a repeat of the dismal performance but also to help support their overall professional development.

Unfortunately, too many leaders will make the classic mistake of focusing the conversation almost exclusively on their opinion and coaching but miss the opportunity to lead with inquiring about the team member’s opinion. Indeed, one of the most powerful and effective ways a leader can start that constructive feedback conversation is by simply asking, “How do you think it went? or “How did you feel about today’s presentation?” Starting with this simple question is so effective because it gives you a sense of their level of awareness, and it also makes it easier for you to offer constructive feedback and suggestions by mirroring some of their initial comments. Let’s examine each of these further….

Checking Self-Awareness

First, beginning with their assessment is critical because it provides insight into their level of awareness and that input should significantly inform how you approach your own feedback. For example, let’s say one of your team members presents a new proposal to an important client, and you feel that their presentation was weak. They didn’t present confidently, didn’t know answers to some basic product questions and mumbled frequently instead of actively engaging with the client. Before launching into all of your observations and feedback, it’s critically important to understand how they’ve assessed their own performance. Their self-assessment may range from “It was great. I hit it out of the park.” to “I was really unprepared, and it showed, but I’ll never let it happen again.” Understanding their level of self-awareness is a critical first step because that really should determine the starting point and scope of your own feedback.

Obviously, if they think it was a homerun, and you think it was a train wreck, you’ve got quite a lot of work to do and will need to begin first by cultivating awareness in several key areas. But, if they’ve clearly illuminated the same missteps that you mentally noted, there’s no need to beat a dead horse on those points, and you can focus your attention on identifying ways to better support them moving forward. Obviously, if they articulate a keen sense of awareness, that says a lot about their maturity and skill as well because while they may have dropped the ball this particular time, their awareness will be a significant asset moving forward.

Tailoring Your Feedback

Another significant benefit to starting the feedback conversation by asking for their assessment is that it provides them an opportunity to speak to their own missteps or weaknesses. No one likes telling others about their weaknesses, gaffes or mistakes so why spend time lecturing them about missteps they may already be tormenting themselves about? In that moment, they may need more support or encouragement. Perhaps they’ve blown their weaknesses out of proportion, and they really need proper context and grounding so they can help them keep things in perspective. On the other hand, if their self-assessment reflects a complete lack of awareness, you will likely need to spend much more time explaining how their performance missed the mark in your view. You may want to invest time, energy and resources training, demonstrating or in other ways offering examples of what “good” looks like. You may want to assign them a mentor or provide opportunities for them to shadow a colleague in an area where they may be building their competency. The takeaway is that if they don’t have awareness of the problem, you must create the awareness first before you have any hope of solving the problem. So remember that in that moment, the goal isn’t necessarily to offer your opinion but instead to give them what they need to be more successful going forward, and that arguably starts with figuring out where they are in terms of their own assessment.

Constructive feedback conversations can be tricky so don’t make the mistake of launching in with your “speech” before you’ve gathered the most critical information, their own self-assessment. Listen to understand, not to respond, and use this valuable information to determine the most effective next steps. Move away from “lecture mode” and step into a real conversation. Make sure they leave the exchange feeling heard and supported. It’s quite possible that you may need to share some hard truths or you might be the first manager they’ve ever had who pointed out some improvement areas, and that’s fine. In many ways that’s what strong leadership is about, but remember to keep the focus on them, and one of the best ways to do just that is by letting them have an opportunity to reflect, pause and assess.

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