- “During our childhood, we are much closer to our authentic selves. Even if our memories of childhood may be filled with challenge and discomfort.” Sensitivity therapist and author Julie Bjelland
- “It’s an often complicated part of being a young performer…being taken advantage of by someone with ulterior motives and intentions.” Actor Jamie Lee Curtis
- “You are born to feel curiosity, wonder, and a desire to explore. If these qualities were not nurtured when you were young, however…” Psychotherapist Mihaela Ivan Holtz
- “My mum brought me up very strictly…criticized me more than she complimented me…It’s funny, but I think that I’m more of a child now, exactly because I’m no longer afraid of being one. I’ve more freedom.” Actor Milla Jovovich
Most of us have a wide variety of emotional experiences as a child, often including some degree of hurt, even trauma or abuse, and these experiences can endure for us as adults, deeply impacting our lives and creativity.
This page includes:
- quotes from psychotherapists on understanding emotional challenges such as childhood trauma
- quotes from artists including Alan Cumming, Sally Field, Halle Berry, William Jackson Harper, Bryce Dallas Howard, Stephen King, Ben Kingsley, Ellen Pompeo, Milla Jovovich.
- resources to help with trauma, self-esteem, and gain emotional wellness
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Thanks to Jamie Lee Curtis for articulating some of the all too common exploitation of young actors, in the description of this early photo of her:
“A pre Halloween shoot. Back then there was no Internet and once in a while a photographer contacted you and said that they wanted to take pictures of you.
“You were excited by the opportunity of having some new images and the attention. The truth is they were just going to sell them to publications in Europe, and around the world.
“Of course, now, I look back at it and there is something very creepy about their intentions, which I mistook for interest in me.”
She adds:
“It’s an often complicated part of being a young performer, and me ‘a child of’ performers, wanting to be seen and hoping for more work opportunities and if we just look back at any of our current big stars you will find images of them similar to these of me, a young person being taken advantage of by someone with ulterior motives and intentions.
“Live and learn and lucky for me this was about as bad as it got.”
Top image and text are from facebook/JamieLeeCurtis.
Lower image: Curtis with one of her books.
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Psychotherapist Mihaela Ivan Holtz helps creative people in TV/Film, performing and fine arts with “life struggles, depression, anxiety, creativity, relationships, PTSD, and addictions – to become their own best version.”
The image above is from one of her articles addressing how childhood experiences can dictate our emotions later in life, our perceptions, and capacities for developing creative thinking.
She writes, “if you felt loved enough as a child, you internalized a feeling of love. You tend to see people as loving and the world as an inherently loving place.
“But, if you didn’t feel loved enough as a child, the world becomes the realm of the ‘unloved child’ and you find yourself on a never-ending search for acceptance and approval.”
Dr. Holtz also finds childhood experiences “shape the way you experience feelings like trust, hope, and determination.
“You are born to feel curiosity, wonder, and a desire to explore…Depending on your early experiences, you may not even know how curiosity feels.
“If you did have access to such feelings, where would they take you? Maybe you’d build a career that makes you happy or embark on a journey to discover your true talents and gifts.”
She uses EMDR (or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) therapy to help people “process feelings and experiences and enables you to have an emotional understanding of how you feel and interact with the world…
“You are able to make more empowered decisions and access your creativity as a result of this powerful form of internal healing.”
Read more in her article:
How to Connect With Your Productivity and Creativity
In an article of hers on the topic of child actors, she writes:
“For some, their lifelong artistic endeavor took them on a path of self-discovery and self-creating.
“They have been an active participant of their own artistic path, supported and encouraged to be their own person and artist.
“For others, self-discovery and being an active participant in their artistic life was not an option…
She asks, “Are you the artist whose self-discovery and active participation in your artistic pursuit was not an option? You’ve lived just about your entire life as a performer.
“Somehow, somewhere in your childhood it was very apparent that you had an innate talent and that it could be channeled into a widely recognized success.”
From Healing an Artist’s Lost Childhood.
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A highly sensitive childhood
In an edition of her HSP Podcast, Julie Bjelland notes:
During our childhood, we are much closer to our authentic selves. Even if our memories of childhood may be filled with challenge and discomfort.
We are often very clear on what is most important to us and many of the gifts we rely on today were present.
For those of us born with the trait of high sensitivity and high sensory intelligence we typically experienced the world in a particular and often profound way.
It is quite common for us to have been misunderstood and for our emotional sensitivity to be seen as a disadvantage.
Yet it is often the challenges we faced and the way we saw the world back then that shape us to specialize in a particular area of life.
> Hear many other episodes of the HSP Podcast at Julie Bjelland’s site Sensitive Empowerment – where you can also learn about other resources and courses to thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person.
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Jennette McCurdy
In his interview, Scott Neumyer writes:
“Judging simply by the shocking title of Jennette McCurdy’s debut memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died, you may think the book is a no-holds-barred, scathing takedown of her mother and everyone else who perpetuated the horrifying upbringing that the former iCarly star endured, but you’d be wrong.
“McCurdy’s book is certainly revealing, describing the abuse she endured from her mother, who pushed her into acting at age 6, then guided her directly into an eating disorder and much worse until her death in 2013. But beyond that, it’s a measured, heartbreakingly poignant, and often laugh-out-loud-funny memoir with McCurdy showing more sympathy for her complicated mother than most people could even imagine mustering.”
He comments that the title of the book “really drives home that you may not have gotten the help you needed, or the healing that you needed, had your mom not passed.”
Jennette McCurdy replies:
“100 percent. I feel very strongly that my life would look so different now. I just turned 30. I would be a completely different 30-year-old if she were still alive. I don’t think the healing would have been possible.
“I think even walking in a therapist’s office would have been impossible because the second she found out that I was in therapy, I believe she would have found a way to put an end to that and to make sure that that didn’t continue because she would have been terrified of “What are you saying about me?” and “How dare you!” It would have just been more chaos and more of that drama.”
McCurdy adds “I also continue [going to] therapy. And it’s such a relief now too. For so long, therapy was so emotionally intense and exhausting. Whether it was working on my life-threatening eating disorders, or working on accepting the abuse of my mother, or coming to terms with really big life decisions that I wanted to make, everything felt a bit overwhelming.
“So, it’s really, really nice to be in a place where now my therapy sessions are relatively easy compared to that. It’s much more maintenance and keeping things in check and fine-tuning and tweaking. It’s very much a relief.”
From article “Jennette McCurdy on Finding Her Way Toward Healing” By Scott Neumyer, Shondaland, Aug 10 2022. Photo: Jennette McCurdy on The View.
Related post of mine: How psychotherapy can benefit actors and other artists.
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The writer of a 2006 interview article noted Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo “was so emotionally hamstrung by her early experiences that she drifted through dead-end acting jobs and relationships into her 30s.”
But Pompeo commented about some of the value of living through a difficult early life:
“Clearly my life hasn’t been easy, but a lot of people’s lives haven’t been easy…
“In fact, I’m really grateful for my life. It has given me the strength and tenacity.”
Ellen Pompeo: strength from a challenging early life.
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The search for acceptance and approval
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
– Psychologist William James.
Our needs for attention and appreciation may be basic, and grounded in survival as a child, but for some people, those needs are especially potent – especially if they have not been met well enough.
Ben Kingsley has commented about being a performer as a child, and like so many other people, experiencing some hurtful responses from his parents.
“I had always been the song-and-dance man of the family,” he says.
“I remember my father referring to me as ‘our little Danny Kaye’ when I was about seven. That was the only remotely positive comment I remember from them.
“They never praised me or acknowledged a gram of talent in me. Their way was to mock – ‘when are you going to finish with this acting lark’, that sort of thing.
“My mother, far from being proud, was very jealous of my success.”
From article Our Need To Be Appreciated.
In an interview, Kingsley talks about his childhood:
“I never really felt nurtured and protected.
“Everything happens for a reason…I created perhaps my own bubble in which to live and flourish with my own imagination and that I think was a was a major major factor in me becoming an entertainer.”
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Looking elsewhere for approval, outside your creative calling
Amber Tamblyn said “Some actors have this guilt that what they do is not deep enough, so they look elsewhere for some kind of approval…
“It is really sad though because being a true actor is to already have that depth.”
From Amber Tamblyn: artists should be inspired on multiple levels.
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A very disciplined kid
Milla Jovovich has portrayed such powerful and unique characters in her films.
She has also commented about her profession:
“To be an actor, you have to know yourself really well. That’s been a major thing for me, to really understand why I do things.”
In a Vogue article, she talked about her early life and how that has affected her:
“My mum brought me up very strictly. I’ve had a typical Russian education, very down-to-earth.
“You’re constantly being reminded that you are your parents’ little shadow. …
“I was a very disciplined kid. I was never treated like a little princess, I was never told: ‘Oh how cute you are like this!'”
“My mum criticized me more than she complimented me: that’s another Russian characteristic.
“The idea being, that a child should not be allowed to become completely self-assured.”
But she also commented about a result of that upbringing:
“It’s funny, but I think that I’m more of a child now, exactly because I’m no longer afraid of being one.
“I’ve more freedom.
“Before I was always trying to seem like an adult. I matured rather early.
“When I review the interviews I gave when I was little, I can’t get over it.” [Vogue (France) June/July 2003.]
[Photo is from her Facebook page.]
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Psychotherapist Mihaela Ivan Holtz writes in another related article on her site Creative Minds Psychotherapy:
As an artist, you have a deep calling to create.
And, at the same time, you need your audience to show you how much they value your art or your performance.
When you look at your audience’s reactions to your art, you see it as a reflection of who you are and what you’ve created.
Your audience is your mirror.
You may think of looking at your audience, your mirror, as a very in-the-moment experience.
When in fact, you may be seeing your entire lifetime reflected back at you – especially your earliest years.
Your childhood experiences can influence how you relate and how you expect people to respond to you.
And, therefore, your early relationships may influence what you see when you look at your audience.
Powerful emotions you’ve had when you were young may color the lens through which you see your audience’s reactions.
Dare to discover what that mirror is reflecting back to you.
Here’s a hint… It’s likely a glimpse of your early life experiences.
Do you recall how you felt as a child at home, at school, or on the playground with your friends?
Did you feel seen and valued? Did you feel encouraged and inspired?
Did you feel supported? Were you allowed to play and discover yourself in your fantasy games?
Did you feel like you were in your own hero’s world when you were playing with your friends?
What about playing alone? Did you find yourself in a magical world?
What if you felt judged, criticized, or never enough?
Maybe shamed?
Maybe you didn’t feel seen and valued?
Did you feel lonely and like you couldn’t fit in?
Or, perhaps you were put down and made fun of?
Were you scared of some bully who might get you if you showed up in the crowd?
Looking into your early relationships experiences can shed some light about what your audience means to you, here and now in your present.
Your subconscious associations about early experiences can influence what you may unconsciously see when you look at current relationships, including your relationship with your audience.
Your audience can become a symbolic representation of your early memories.
Your perception of your audience’s responses, the reflections in the mirror, might be just a projection of your childhood battles that you’ve not yet uncovered from your unconscious.
When you can remember and look at these battles, you can begin to master them.
Read more in her article:
If Your Audience Is Your Mirror, What Do You See?
Photo above: Stephen King relates an early experience that affected his emotional creative space and acceptance of himself as a writer: He recalls his high school teacher condemning his writing as “junk” and asking “Why do you want to waste your abilities?”
King admitted in one of his books, “I have spent a good many years since – too many, I think – being ashamed about what I write.”
From article: Stay connected with your emotional creative space.
Also see more Creative Mind articles with excerpts of articles by Dr. Mihaela Ivan Holtz.
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Performing a role can help deal with emotional challenges.
Over the years of reading and watching interviews with actors, I have been struck by how many of these talented artists find that creating and performing a role can help deal with traumatic pasts and emotional challenges.
William H. Macy once commented, “Nobody became an actor because he had a good childhood.”
Bryce Dallas Howard has talked about one kind of trauma that impacts children and others: “There was alcoholism in my family, so I saw the negative effects and how difficult it was to recover.” (She is probably referring to her uncle, Clint Howard, who later became sober.)
She portrays Fisher Willow in The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond (2008), and has commented about her experience in creating and playing her character:
“I learned some interesting things about myself.
“Fisher is unapologetic about anything she does or says, and I am not; in fact I am apologizing all the time.
“I liked that she was almost hedonistic in her approach to life, and I connected to that side of myself that wants to be fearless.”
From article Bryce Dallas Howard on learning more fearlessness from her character.
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William Jackson Harper plays Chidi Anagonye, a professor of ethics and moral philosophy from Senegal, on The Good Place TV series. (The photo is with another star of the show, Kristen Bell.)
Harper comments about a scene that brought up a childhood insecurity:
“Honestly, I grew up very self-conscious about being shirtless in public. I was one of those kids who would swim with whatever T-shirt was available…
“I was really nervous [to do the scene].
“Not only did I avoid ridicule, but people actually responded positively.
“I don’t know, I sort of laid to rest a very deep childhood demon, you know?”
Quotes and image from article How a Shirtless Scene and Playing Dead Changed The Good Place’s William Jackson Harper, E! Online Jan 17, 2019.
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Helping heal from difficult experiences and ‘inner demons’ therapy and creative expression.
“I think I’ve spent my adult life dealing with the sense of low self-esteem that sort of implanted in me. Somehow I felt not worthy.”
That quote by Halle Berry about being abused as a child by her violent father, who also assaulted her mother, indicates how much impact trauma can have.
She commented about acting in her intense movie “Gothika” (2003):
“Although physically I would feel exhausted and tired, my back would hurt, my arms would hurt and my feet would be raw from running through all the stuff, there was still something about it that felt good, like I had a cathartic experience.
“I got a lot of stuff out of me that was pent up in little corners of myself, so I felt good at the same time.”
From article Creative People, Trauma and Mental Health.
[See resources below for help with unhealthy self-esteem.]
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Like many of us, Sally Field experienced “some trauma” in her childhood, which had deep impacts on her life.
She said in an interview that years of emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of her stepfather, from about ages 7 to 14, “left me with an inability to look toward the future.”
In the interview (in the article below), she talks about her powerful memoir ‘In Pieces’ and how she has learned to understand more about her survival skills, and how to thrive as an artist.
See much more in article Healing Emotional Trauma To Release Your Creativity.
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More resources
How psychotherapy can benefit actors and other artists.
Healing Trauma Resources – How To Understand And Recover
This page includes summits, books, courses and other material based on neuroscience research, body-based therapies, mindfulness and meditation, and other therapy approaches to help regain health.
The Trauma Skills Summit event page notes:
“Natural disasters. Early childhood experiences. Car accidents. Systemic inequality. A global pandemic. The roots of trauma are as widespread as its impact on our lives. The challenges of trauma are real—but there is hope.”
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Self-Esteem Program by Caroline Myss
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“There is one relationship that affects your life more than any other
“No matter who you are, what you do, or what you want to achieve, it is this essential relationship that influences every step you take on your life journey: Your relationship with yourself. Yet how many of us experience dysfunction with this most essential relationship?”
The Self-Acceptance Summit produced by Sounds True provides video conversations with 31 leading experts in the field of self-acceptance and self-compassion, including Elizabeth Gilbert, Martha Beck, Marianne Williamson, Gabrielle Bernstein, JP Sears, Kristin Neff and others.
See article for videos and link to the Sounds True site to purchase the program.
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More related articles:
Alan Cumming introduces Masterpiece Mystery! for PBS; acts in many TV and film projects; is a producer, screenwriter, composer, social activist and more.
In his book Not My Father’s Son: A Memoir, he details his early life with an abusive father, and its consequences.
He said of his father:
“His psyche was not the psyche of a well man. He could not process the truth. He was a monster. I think he was mentally ill, I’m not sure with exactly what.
“Aside from his violence and irrational rage, there was his utter inability for empathy or to understand anyone’s feelings, the brazenness of his behavior, the fact that he couldn’t compute that anyone was affected or offended or upset by him. That’s a personality disorder. That’s not somebody who is functioning properly in the world.”
Alan Cumming on Dealing With a Traumatic Childhood
In another article, he commented on part of his motivation to be an actor:
“I definitely wanted to get away and have a life that I would be in control [of]. I’ve got friends who really look up to their parents and almost emulated them, and I think you can go that way or you can go the other way, where you make your own universe and mould it your way.”
From article: Alan Cumming: ‘Something was not quite right about my father’ by Patrick Freyne,The Irish Times Nov 14, 2014.
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Therapist Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC writes about a compelling fictional character Lisbeth Salander – the heroine of Steig Larsson’s trilogy The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.
“As the heroine, Lisbeth Salander embodies certain characteristics of giftedness, and these characteristics help her survive terrible, long-term physical, sexual and emotional abuse.”
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – A Gifted Trauma Survivor
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Emotional Health Resources page – Programs, books, articles and sites to improve your emotional balance, mental health and wellness, and help master stress.
“Learning how to regulate internal states, how and when to use self-soothing techniques, and how to know when we are actually safe — these are key to emotional well-being for anyone, but for artists, they are especially useful.” – Psychologist Cheryl Arutt.
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Douglas Eby (M.A./Psychology) is author of the The Creative Mind series of sites which provide “Information and inspiration to help creative people thrive.”
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