Regardless of the habit or past failures, it's important to remember that change is truly possible.
Joey Odom is the cofounder of Aro, an innovative technological device aimed at helping people become more present and less reliant on their cell phones. After missing his son’s first soccer goal because he was watching his phone instead, Odom re-committed himself to being more present and sought to create a device that would help others do the same. He joined Negotiate Anything to share how others can self-negotiate better habits with compassion while also embracing the tools that are designed to help.
Setting Boundaries with Technology
It’s no secret that our dependence on technology has increased tremendously over the last few decades. Contrary to the popular narratives, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As technology has evolved, many aspects of life have become more convenient. For Odom, Aro isn’t about demonizing technology, but rather about setting boundaries so that our real lives can exist too.
That said, change begins with knowing that change in possible and when it comes to technology, we have been conditioned to believe it’s an addiction (and necessity) that won’t go away.
“We have to know that we can get better at things – that’s really really encouraging,” Odom shared.
Self-Negotiating for Better Habits
Changing habits starts with self-negotiation. Begin by identifying what you want most (what is non-negotiable), as well as the habits or factors that stand to get in the way. This can be difficult because many of us face shame and frustration over past mistakes or failures. Odom was clear about the fact that he doesn’t hold shame about missing his son’s first goal. This was a difficult moment for him, but also one that lead to a great epiphany and change in his life.
“We gotta notice the things happening around us and the things happening inside of us,” Odom said. “Until we do that, we can’t act on the great intentions that we have for our lives.”
This can be an important lesson for any of us: as we can oftentimes feel guilty for the amount of time we spend on our phones. Whether we feel we should be more productive or spending more time with family, our dependence on technology can evoke quite a bit of shame. The same is true for other habits we seek to change; past failures can lead to shame and a diminishing confidence that forming new habits is possible.
The lesson: if you’re seeking to make a change in your life, spend time practicing self-compassion and forgiveness. This is a critical part of self-negotiation. Without either, you cannot truly avail yourself to the benefit of improvement.
The Fallacy of Willpower & Creating Better Environments
Whether we are looking to eat healthier or watch less tv, humans are conditioned to believe success comes down to discipline and willpower. The truth is, while discipline is important, we should be focusing more on creating environments that set us up for success.
“If we set-up our environment well, we avoid the necessity of discipline,” Odom explained.
It’s also important to remember that many of us have been conditioned to believe in the necessity of technology, which has now become incredibly advanced. It would be unfair to expect change overnight.
Odom elaborated on this point, “These things have been designed much stronger than our human brain.”
Because of this reality, it’s important that we embrace the struggle that comes with changing unhealthy habits. Anything that we try to learn, we will be bad at early on. The key is to move forward without toxic shame and welcome the help that is available.
In developing the ARO smart box, Odom was seeking to help others cultivate healthier habits around technology. That said, these lessons can apply to any and all of us seeking to make lasting, positive change in our lives.
Practicing self-negotiation and compassion can be uncomfortable, but the results can mean lifelong changes for you and future generations. When it comes to cell phone and technology, Odom remains focused on creating a better experience for his children.
“Our kids will get smartphones one day, so let’s teach them that right relationship.”
Learn more about Aro. Click here to listen to the full episode.
