Prince Harry: The Fine Art Of Flaming One’s Family—And Burning A Bridge

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Prince Harry’s memoir Spare went on sale in the U.S. this morning. With all the “bombshell” accusations that have come out about Prince William once knocking his little brother to the floor (Welcome to my house) and King Charles III joking that Harry might not be his (Scratch that. My dad was way funnier), it might feel like you’ve already read the 416-page tome. We’ve learned a lot about the family, The Firm and what not to do when exiting both.

It’s not clear if Harry has learned that lesson: He said his late mother, Princess Diana, would be heartbroken by the rift between her sons – as if he hadn’t played a major role in causing it. I was reminded of a source who once said I’d “never work in this town again” because I hadn’t included all of the 56 words she’d used to describe someone–yes, she was from Hollywood–and then called to ask if I could comment on her for a New York Times story less than a month later.

Harry, 38, is hardly the first child of privilege to pull back the curtain on his dysfunctional family. Patti Davis, who was 39 when she wrote an angry tell-all about parents Nancy and Ronald Reagan in The Way I See It, went on the media circuit this week to say that she wishes she could take it all back. Then there’s Donald Trump, who petulantly insulted his estranged niece Mary after she published Too Much And Never Enough in 2020, thereby illustrating several character traits she analyzed in the book. Lisa Brennan-Jobs showed us a dark side of her dad, Apple Founder Steve Jobs, in Small Fry. Carrie Fisher hilariously skewered her famous Hollywood parents in Wishful Drinking while actress Joan Crawford will forever represent to me a woman derailed by an aversion to wire hangers and leftover liver, thanks to her daughter Christina’s memoir, Mommie Dearest.

At the same time, Harry isn’t some nepo baby who thinks his big brother is a jerk and dad’s new wife is spreading stories behind his back. He was an employee of The Firm–as he and his kin call their family unit—a man whose dad inherited $500 million from grandma and now oversees about $42 billion in assets as the new CEO and King. Moreover, the next guy in line for the job was just handed the $1.2 billion Duchy of Cornwall and happens to be Harry’s brother. Try being the parent who explains how that arrangement is fair. While Harry’s book sales and a $100 million contract with Netflix will boost the net worth of he and wife Meghan Markle beyond the $10 million the Forbes estimated last year, they’ll be hard-pressed to catch up with William and Kate.

What’s especially poignant is that we’ve learned that Harry didn’t want to quit his day job. In this age of work anywhere, he was hoping to do some scaled-back version of it in South Africa or Canada, where he could escape the claustrophobic feeling of living in Britain but still get benefits like full-time security and generous travel perks. Every time he discussed it with dad or one of the other principals, his plans were allegedly leaked to the British press, rendering them unfeasible. To understand why press attention would derail his plans, watch Harry and Meghan’s Netflix special–and then realize you still don’t understand why.

So the duo did what other Millennials have done when the job becomes too much. They posted a note on Instagram to announce that they were quitting to start their own business. (This Gen Xer would have mentioned it alongside a photo of her kids on Facebook.) Naturally, Harry’s employer, Queen Elizabeth II, called him back to the office.

In January 2020, the Queen issued a statement to frame Harry and Meghan’s exit in a positive light, supporting “their wish for a more independent life’ while saying she was “particularly proud of how Meghan has so quickly become one of the family.” It was not unlike those anodyne corporate press releases in which a CEO suddenly quits to spend time with their family and is thanked for their contributions – a bland but important gesture to let everyone leave with their dignity and pride intact. Indeed, the Queen had let her son Prince Andrew use the palace platform just weeks earlier to pretend that he’d asked to be stripped of his royal duties after a disastrous BBC interview about his association with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and alleged abuse of victim Virginia Giuffre.

While Andrew still seems to be hanging out with his family, Harry hasn’t spoken with his brother or dad in some time. How things devolved to such a low is a tale that requires more than Harry’s memoir to comprehend. What we do know is that he’s angry and hurt and felt abandoned by his employer. He’s not alone. According to FlexJobs’ 2022 Work Insight survey, the No. 1 factor cited by workers in quitting a job is a toxic company culture. Harry has said that the family didn’t accept his biracial wife and, in fact, says she faced outright racism. That may explain why what could have been a civil exit instead became a case of rage-quitting. .

Is the royal family racist? It’s possible. After all, the Royal African Company was set up in 1660 by a royal charter from Charles’ predecessor, King Charles II. Led by his "spare," it transported more enslaved Africans to the Americas than any other institution. You don’t need to go that far back: I can’t recall any of my classmates at the University of Nairobi having good things to say about the British soldiers who committed atrocities in the Queen’s name during the Mau Mau uprising, which resulted in Kenya’s independence in the 1960s. While Charles has expressed sorrow over the Royal Family’s role in the slavery, slaughter and exploitation of millions over the years, I can’t recall if he’s issued an actual apology or suggested remedy.

So Harry’s upbringing has been complicated to say the least. Unless you’re a Murdoch or Kardashian, most of us don’t have to deal with dueling press offices at the dinner table, nor are we raised in a corporation. Compared with a father who brought us tampongate and an uncle who allegedly abused minors, not to mention numerous other incidents of toe-sucking, extramarital affairs, influence peddling and other bad behavior in the family, Harry’s behavior could barely fill an episode of The Crown.

He decided that his job sucked. Now, he’s made comments that imply not having that job sucks even more. But reconciling with one’s family is different from regaining an old job. The former is a decision of the heart; the latter, a decision of the head. And Harry broke some cardinal rules of employment, from publicly insulting the boss and the brand to revealing company secrets. In technical terms, HR professionals call that burning a bridge. With his humanitarian projects, media initiatives and a job as chief impact officer at coaching platform BetterUp, he’ll have plenty of employment options. But if he wants to make peace with his family, the first olive branch will likely have to come from him.