Here’s how to empathize with people going through the same situation that burned you.
Work can be challenging. Difficult situations can make you develop a thick skin and be less empathetic. You may have built a wall as a defense mechanism out of fear of getting burned again. You may have become cynical and no longer assume people have good intentions. You may be thinking, “If I went through the challenging situation, other people can deal with it, too.”
Bad work situations can cause you to distance yourself from your coworkers who may be going through a similar situation you endured. But this is the moment when you can be useful. Here are five steps in which you can use your experience to be a better colleague and help others going through challenging circumstances:
1. Take yourself back to that situation.
Remember what happened to you. Perhaps your boss asked you to do something unethical, and you were put in a difficult situation. Maybe a coworker is making unwanted advances towards you and is jeopardizing your ability to advance in your career.
The current situation may be traumatic to your teammate, as well. Remembering how you felt in a similar situation will remind you how your colleague is feeling and motivate you to help.
2. Ask yourself, “What did I want to hear?”
What support had you wished you received in your situation? Did you want a bystander to call out the bad behavior? Did you wish you could have called a colleague to talk through the issue? Think about the support you wished you had had to be helpful to your colleague.
3. Share your story.
The person currently going through the tough situation will be comforted to know that someone else has been in their situation, that someone else has experienced the same feelings and stress they are experiencing.
Share the experience you went through with your colleague. Your colleague will learn more about you, respect you for dealing with the situation and appreciate you using your experience to help them.
4. Appreciate differences.
While the situation at hand for your colleague may be similar, it probably is not exactly the same. Avoid saying, “I know exactly how you feel.” Say, “I appreciate what you may be going through.” This nuanced language is more sensitive, recognizing that each person’s situation is different.
Appreciating differences can also prevent you from feeling and coming across as “all knowing,” which is unhelpful to the person who is looking for help with navigating a sticky issue.
5. Offer to be there and help.
Say, “I am here for you.” Don’t assume the person knows you want to help. Use words to communicate this to the person.
You could give the person your phone number, for instance. But don’t stop there. Don’t assume that the person will reach out to you with a question. Saying “you can call me anytime” doesn’t work. Unless you explicitly tell the person that they can call you up until nine o’clock in the evening, for example, most people will not call. People will feel like they are imposing and not reach out.
Be clear on how you can help so that you can actually be supportive. Be intentional.
Some workplace situations can be difficult. You’ve experienced these uncomfortable situations, and they may have made you thick-skinned. If you are intentional, you can support others experiencing similar issues. Remember how you felt in that situation and the support you wish you had received. Share this with the other person, while recognizing differences between situations. Express that you want to help.
What steps do you take to help people going through tough situations you have faced?
