Adverse Childhood Experiences, Adult Trauma – healing and recovery
“From our earliest years, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life.” Diane Poole Heller
“Trauma results in this belief that we are different, that we’re not enough.” Aimie Apigian, MD
I was in a personal relationship “with emotional abuse and psychological abuse.” Anna Kendrick
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“Trauma and attachment…get in our way from really being the most we can be – the most expanded part of ourselves.”
Those are comments by Diane Poole Heller, a psychotherapist “specializing in trauma recovery and the healing of early attachment wounds, especially as they affect our adult relationships.”
Listen to her comments in podcast episode:
Diane Poole Heller Ph.D. is “an internationally recognized speaker, author, and expert in the field of child and adult attachment theory as well as trauma resolution.”
The first part (about 2 min) of this audio is an intro for her online course Healing Your Attachment Wounds.
Publisher Sounds True summarizes her audio course:
“Why do we experience recurring struggles in our relationships? And why do traumatic events, such as a physical injury, emotional threat, loss of a loved one, or other life crisis, so often awaken or amplify our sense of fear, anger, isolation, or helplessness?”
Diane Poole Heller teaches:
“From our earliest years, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our intimate relationships, with our children, and at work. And traumatic events can deeply affect that core relational blueprint.”
See article with the transcript: How do trauma and attachment wounds affect our relationships?
See other episodes of The Creative Mind Audio Podcast.
[Teddy bears photo at top is from cover of book: The Neurobiology of Attachment-Focused Therapy: Enhancing Connection & Trust in the Treatment of Children & Adolescents by Jonathan Baylin, Daniel A. Hughes.]
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Adverse Childhood Experiences
ACES Score image from Prevent Child Abuse Utah Facebook page.
Questions from the ACEs quiz:
“Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… a) Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or b) Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
“Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… a) Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or b) Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?”
See the full Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) quiz presented by American Society for the Positive Care of Children.
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“In healthy relationships, we should feel comfortable to be ourselves and feel good around them, you feel accepted for who you are, they can compromise and be understanding, and you can work through conflicts in healthy ways.”
More show notes from podcast by therapist Julie Bjelland:
“Recognizing Red Flags in Toxic Relationships
They might be very self-absorbed, not attentive, and have a sense of entitlement, and require excessive admiration
They put you down, you don’t feel good about yourself when with them
Monopolize conversations or look down on people…”
Read more and hear podcast excerpt in article How to deal with toxic relationships, especially as a highly sensitive person.
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Anna Kendrick has commented about starring in the movie ‘Alice, Darling’ which she helped get made as an executive producer: “I was coming out of a personal experience with emotional abuse and psychological abuse.”
Describing her former relationship, Kendrick shares, “I was in a situation where I loved and trusted this person more than I trusted myself. So when that person is telling you that you have a distorted sense of reality and that you are impossible and that all the stuff that you think is going on is not going on, your life gets really confusing really quickly.
“And I was in a situation where, at the end, I had the unique experience of finding out that everything I thought was going on was in fact going on. So I had this kind of springboard for feeling and recovery that a lot of people don’t get.”
Video: Anna Kendrick on ‘Alice, Darling:’ ‘It was personally very rewarding’ – ABC News Jan 18, 2023
See another video and much more in article Using Creative Expression and Therapy To Help Us Deal With Trauma.
From article:
“I think I’ve spent my adult life dealing with the sense of low self-esteem that [childhood trauma] sort of implanted in me. Somehow I felt not worthy.” Halle Berry
“Some people can be very creative despite trauma, but they are not engaged in a healing process.” Psychotherapist Mihaela Ivan Holtz
“Ignoring trauma doesn’t work because it doesn’t just go away; it can stay with you for a lifetime if untreated. It tends to bubble up into anxiety and or depression when left untreated. HSPs can be even more impacted by trauma.” Therapist Julie Bjelland
“We each collect dings, bruises and even worse along the path. I also believe no matter what indignities, abuses, traumas or set backs we endure, we are NEVER broken. Happiness is for everyone.” – Musician Jewel
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Dr. Aimie Apigian, MD, MS, MPH, is an author, speaker and founder of Trauma Healing Accelerated.
How To Be Your Authentic Self & Recover From Attachment Trauma
Dr Aimie talks about “the effects of trauma on the fear of being seen for who we truly are, the fear of truly being known.
“And trauma results in this belief that we are different, that we’re not enough, that there’s something about us that pushes people away or that we’re too much for other people.
“And so if they were to truly know us – all parts of us – then they would leave us, then they would kick us out, then they would reject us, abandon us.
“And those feelings of being abandoned and being different are so painful that our system responds in a self-protective way…”
How do we become all we want to be after trauma?
Dr. Apigian has created the 21-Day Journey to Calm Aliveness Course – a “proven process to address the Biology of Trauma.
“In this eCourse, you’ll be guided by Dr. Aimie through the ESSENTIAL SEQUENCE that addresses trauma stored in the body by directly working with the nervous system.”
“Through the 21-Day Journey, you’ll build the strength and confidence to stay present in times of confrontation and create new positive habits.
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Resources on How To Understand And Recover From Trauma
This page includes summits, books, courses and other material based on neuroscience research, body-based therapies, mindfulness and meditation, and other approaches to help regain health.
Most of us experience mental or emotional health challenges to some degree, and many people experience different kinds and levels of trauma, which often underlies and increases those challenges.
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Singer, songwriter, voice actress and director Sia (Sia Furler) has talked about having complex PTSD from a number of childhood, developmental and adult traumas.
She mentions one form of therapy that has helped: “I have an attachment injury, or I had an attachment injury. And what I needed to do was three years of extreme attachment repair work, which is the newest kind of psychology.”
From article How to recover from trauma – The Wisdom of Trauma movie and Talks on Trauma series.
Includes video from Sia’s conversation with Dr. Gabor Maté, plus other videos with other artists, links to the Trauma Talks series, and more.
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Attachment styles – How We Prevent Ourselves from Being Loved
In an article by Licensed Mental Health Counselor/Psychotherapist Leon Garber on ‘The Avoidant Attachment Style and Its Effects on Our Ability to Love,’ he starts with this quote:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi
Garber continues:
In the wonderful film Good Will Hunting, during a discussion on a potential love interest with his therapist, Sean, Will responds to Sean’s plea to call her by saying:
Why? So I can realize she’s not that smart, that she’s fuckin’ boring? Y’know? I mean…this girl is like fuckin’ perfect right now, I don’t wanna ruin that.
Sean’s response, one of the most poignant comments in the movie, was:
Maybe you’re perfect right now. Maybe you don’t wanna ruin that. I think that’s a super philosophy, Will; that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody…
You’re not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense: This girl you met, she isn’t perfect, either. But the question is: whether or not you’re perfect for each other. That’s the whole deal. That’s what intimacy is all about.
Now you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you’re findin’ out that one is by givin’ it a shot. You certainly won’t learn that from an old fucker like me. Even if I did know, I wouldn’t tell a pissant like you.
From article: “A Fruitless Journey: How We Prevent Ourselves from Being Loved” By Leon Garber, LMHC
Note – There are multiple articles on the topic of trauma and perfectionism – including this one: Is perfectionism a trauma response? by David Scourfield.
“There is some evidence within the research community to suggest that perfectionism is a response to trauma, particularly from the psychological wounds arising from childhood trauma.”
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Douglas Eby (M.A./Psychology) is author of the The Creative Mind series of sites which provide “Information and inspiration to help creative people thrive.”
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