Rudeness Is Rampant, And Workers Are Frustrated - Here’s 5 Things Your Company Can Do About It

Research from the Harvard Business Review shows that rudeness is rampant in the workplace. A substantial uptick in incivility - another way of saying rudeness, disrespect and worker frustration - is the sign of our times. Just a few years ago, about 50% of employees said they were treated rudely at work at least once a month. Today, that number has spiked to 76%. Front-line workers, such as customer service reps, front desk staff, nurses, and retail employees, are battling belittling comments, insults, mocking, teasing, rants and more. Christine Porath, author of the Harvard study as well as Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace, says that when people experience more rudeness, they are less motivated. Workers cut back on the amount of effort they put into a certain task, which means that employee engagement goes down. These recipients of rudeness are far more likely to leave an organization compared with organizations where there is less disrespect. What can be done to change this conversation? And how can you adapt when confronted with rude behavior, insults, and more?

Here are five ways to confront this stressful situation, and deal with rude people.

1. Rude Behavior is an Example of Memory Loss - does rudeness work? Remember, no one likes to be cut off, or ignored. No one likes to receive a two-word email that says, “Please fix.” The lively art of conversation is becoming a lost art, as we turn social media comments into real-life interactions. From the URL to IRL (in real life), keyboard warriors have perhaps emboldened the way that we interact interpersonally - often with disastrous results. Michael Leiter, a professor of Organizational Psychology in Australia, tells NBC NEWS the source of rudeness is often...cluelessness. “Being inconsiderate, or simply not imagining that somebody could be offended by something,” is evidence of a lack of awareness. The antidote for avoiding rudeness is waiting inside these four words: I’ve thought this through. Remember what works: we have to think it through, before we lash out with rudeness or a lack of consideration. Respect is always the first step in any interaction, even when the conversation is corrective. People have forgotten how to have a decent and civil conversation. Rage is not a strategy.
2. Self-Aware, or Just Self-Centered? Have you ever seen someone belittle a service employee, at a restaurant, airport, or health care facility, and then seen great results? Or have you seen people shrink back, get defensive and put that rude customer into a no-win scenario, responding in kind to the bad behavior? Yikes. When you are the recipient of rude behavior, or a lack of consideration, consider this: use the YAHOO strategy. That’s not the search engine, it’s an acronym: You Always Have Other Options. We all get frustrated - and we’ve all been there. You have the ability to remind your co-worker, or your customer, what’s appropriate and what works. Here’s how to deal with rude people: use your words to reshape the conversation. What options would be more effective? Because belittling and battling doesn’t work. Working together is the only way to discover a solution - the alternative is called the no-win scenario.
3. What Could Make this Easier? - perhaps the greatest question inside of customer service, this single simple question points towards new possibilities inside a difficult interaction. The British author, George Eliot, said, “What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for one another?” If you’re confronted with rudeness, the first step is acknowledgement: recognize the actions, as well as the emotions, inside the situation. Notice that people are frustrated, and recognize their feelings - because you share them! Maybe you’re not angry or rude right now, but we’ve all been there. The trick is not to try and correct or confront the behavior (which causes people to double-down, resist and deny). HRDive reminds us that rudeness is rarely personal, although we often take it that way. Instead, use recognition to redirect the incivility. “I can see that you are frustrated, and I’m here to help,” might be a good start.
4. Get Curious About Creating Change: Combine recognition with curiosity, and see if you can listen. If you are triggered by behavior, you have to wonder who pulled the trigger. Was it really someone or something...or was it you who chose your response? According Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychologist and Holocaust survivor, the choice is always ours. We have the choice on how we react to people and circumstances. There are some people who smile at rudeness, and take it in stride. Others dig in, responding with worse behavior, silence, quiet quitting, disengagement and fury. The actions that you take are your choice. You decide whether or not to pull the trigger. Otherwise, we could never change our relationships. Our performance. Or our careers. Coaching and therapy would never work, if this change wasn’t possible. We are not just reacting to stimuli, like Pavolv’s dog. We can have the freedom to choose our responses, inside any situation. If you are appalled, outraged, or silenced by someone’s behavior, you’re shutting down the conversation. How can you stay open and active and effective, even when people are frustrated, rude and discourteous? Curiosity can help bridge the gap. Step away from the story you are telling yourself to the story that’s really going on, with a moment of curiosity, and investigation. That investigation doesn’t start with wondering why Trevor is mindless insensitive jerk. It starts when you acknowledge that there’s a lot of frustration out there in the world right now! Maybe talking about the source of the behavior, not the behavior itself, can be a way to instigate change.
5. Relatability Leads to Capability - when we acknowledge some simple facts about the human condition, we relate to rudeness before we try and correct it. That’s not to say we make excuses, or look the other way, when bad behavior shows up. But we’ve all been clueless, wrapped up inside of our own junk, unable to see the people and processes happening around us. Someone cuts you off in traffic: Do you curse and wave a single finger in response? Or do you smile and say, “thank god that’s over,” and move on with your day? We’re all frustrated from time to time, but the way we express that frustration is what needs examination. When we find some patience and compassion for ourselves, we are better equipped to share it with others. That shared compassion is part of relatability. In a world where 7 out of 10 employees are looking for another gig or a side hustle, people are not satisfied. Can you relate? If you can, then consider this maxim as a workforce strategy: “You will never regret being kind.”

Tough times have lead to tough talk, online and in person, and people are getting banged around by rude behavior. How’s that working for you? For anybody? It’s not really a surprise that rudeness is on the rise. The good news is a big YAHOO: you always have other options. You can show up differently, inside any circumstance - any customer interaction - any interpersonal conversation. You can choose (if you wish) to be curious, gracious, responsive and caring, even in the midst of insults, indignation and ignorance. Is that a strategy for surrender? A symbol of your lack of toughness, or grit, or unwillingness to live your life like the comments section on Twitter? No. Rejecting rudeness is a demonstration of understanding. An understanding of what works. Frustration is everywhere. But so are solutions. So are opportunities. And rudeness is never the way to find them.