Girl comforts her sad friend over the phone.
At year-end, you tend to find yourself either too negative or too positive about the future; there is no middle ground. Social media, friends with good intentions and moms can glorify positivity in a way that gets almost toxic, as it doesn’t help to explore the underlying concerns. Instead, Psychology Today experts suggest that acknowledging and validating the emotional experiences of those we care about is one of the most helpful things we can do for them.
Toxic positivity is the excessive and unhealthy emphasis on being positive and avoiding negative emotions, thoughts, or situations. Emotions, like fear, contain important information about what we need; they can point toward changes that can help us in the long term. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with feeling negative emotions as long as they are acknowledged and utilized in a positive way.
Being unrealistically optimistic can lead to denying or invalidating people's feelings and experiences, making it difficult for them to process and cope with difficult emotions. Listening to feelings and negative thoughts in a supportive and productive to acknowledge them and find good intentions can result in tremendous shifts. A famous philosopher once wrote, "Whoever has learned to be anxious in the right way has learned the ultimate".
Examples of toxic positivity include phrases like "just think positive," "don't worry, be happy," and "everything happens for a reason." A good example in a conversation would be: "Work has been really stressful lately." Response: "You’re lucky to even have a job.”
To provide support and be positive without being toxic, it's important to validate and acknowledge people's feelings and experiences, rather than trying to dismiss or minimize them. This means listening to what they have to say, empathizing with their feelings, and offering support and understanding. It's also important to recognize that everyone has different experiences and that not everyone will respond positively to the same things.
Here are a few tips for providing positive support without being toxic:
- Be genuine and authentic in your interactions with others. Avoid using cliches or platitudes that may not be relevant or helpful.
- Be accepting and non-judgmental of others' feelings and experiences. Avoid trying to fix or change their feelings and offer support and understanding.
- Encourage others to express their feelings and thoughts and to seek help if they need it. Avoid telling them to just "think positive" or to "put on a happy face."
- Be aware of your emotional well-being and seek support if needed. Avoid pushing yourself or others too hard to be positive and recognize that it's OK to have negative emotions sometimes.
- Reach out to a coach, mentor or therapist to help you reframe thoughts and patterns in how you address positivity and negativity
By following these tips, you can provide positive support without being toxic and help others to cope with difficult emotions in a healthy and supportive way. It is not about eliminating positive thoughts or glorifying the negative ones, it is about creating a new mindset to use all our feelings to grow and helping others do the same.
