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Do you think of yourself as the “nice person” at work?
It may feel great to hear people say you are a great leader and a nice person. But what happens when your perception of yourself is challenged—when you bump up against someone who doesn’t think you’re so nice, after all? Below are five strategies for re-evaluating your self-perception when who you think you’re being doesn’t match up with your team’s experience.
Check your self-perception.
First consider; “what if I’m not as nice as I think I am?” Are you compassionate, empathetic, kind, emotionally supportive? Are you consistent in your actions toward others? Try keeping a log of your interactions and what people say to you. Look at past 360 and reviews. Use these data points to form a picture of how othersperceive you. There may be a disconnect between their perception and how you see yourself.
It’s okay to not always be nice.
Sometimes, it’s okay not to be “nice.” Sometimes you’ll have to make the tough decision that not everyone will agree with or respect. Accept that as a leader, you will have to make tough decisions which will earn you ire. For example; one leader I worked with had to do a large layoff and eliminate an entire department for business reasons. The leader conducted the downsizing in an empathic manner. But when the leader looked at online reviews of their company, the leader was dismayed to find caustic reviews of their leadership. It hurt a lot; but over time, the leader came to understand they couldn’t always be “the nice one.”
Ask for advice.
Are there certain situations or people that trigger you? For example; in senior leadership meetings, do certain players get under your skin—when a SVP goes on and on about an issue, for example, do you snap? Do that enough and you’ll tarnish your “nice person” reputation. Turn to a mentor you respect to help you temper your responses. Test out their strategies. Recognize that you can do better and make an honest effort.
Look to well-regarded leaders.
Look to other leaders who are positively regarded in your company. What are they doing, and how can you emulate? One person I worked with was perceived as cold because they didn’t say ‘hi’ to everyone each morning. The leader adjusted his behavior after looking to another leader who always had a smile for everyone. That small shift—beginning to smile more—made a huge difference in how my client was perceived.
Look at the Company Culture
Being the “nice one” is one thing—but does your company allow for your preferred style of leadership? Maybe the company culture compels you to have more sharp edges as a leader. You could be situated in the wrong department for your leadership style. It's okay if you don't fit in—trust that there is a perfect place for you to lead somewhere else. Another option is to flex your style to better motivate your team. Remember that the goal is excellence for the team—not your being perceived as “nice.”
Perception is reality. While you might think that you are leading from a nice person perspective—do some digging to find out how you can flex your style or realize there might be areas you need to work on.
