SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO - MAY 2, 2019: An assault rifle decal on a gun rights advocate's pickup truck ... [+]
Which do you value more: the truth or your own beliefs?
Because the two are not synonymous.
It’s pretty safe to assume that people reading this will have different opinions about many topics.
Fiscal policy. Abortion. Parenting. Education. Climate change. Racism. Religion. Gun control. The leadership of your company or country or children's school or local church.
And you will likely think that your opinion is the right one.
But here’s the deal:
You don’t know what you are wrong about.
Not only do you not know what you are wrong about, but your brain is wired to actively seek out information that confirms your current beliefs and to ignore, deny or dismiss that which doesn't. This doesn't you a bad person. It makes you human.
Unless you are willing to lay your pride on the line and acknowledge that you do not have a monopoly on wisdom, you will find yourself being backed further and further into whatever corner of belief you've been investing your identity into. And you’ll find a welcoming echo chamber on social media to make you feel better about it. It's sunk cost bias in on a mass social psychological scale.
No doubt you’ve encountered numerous people in recent years committed to 'truths' they have have not taken the time to verify; living with answers to questions they’ve never asked. Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman summed up one of his core findings as “our excessive confidence in what we believe we know, and our apparent inability to acknowledge the full extent of our ignorance and the uncertainty of the world we live in.”
Our experience of our own rightness kills curiosity and blinds us to data that proves us wrong. Which begs the question:
How do we - individually and collectively - in our teams, communities, organizations, and society - find better answers to the most pressing problems we're facing?
I have four suggestions.
One.
Decide you value the truth over being right
This is easier said than done. It is also not psychologically comfortable. And chances are your ego will be arguing loudly for why you should hold firm to whatever you've been telling yourself is true. Perhaps for a long time. Perhaps your whole identity is invested in it. But simply deciding that you value what is true over what fuels your sense of righteousness is a very important first step.
Two.
Prioritize curiosity over certainty
Certainty kills possibilities. So ask yourself “How might I be wrong?”
The tragic mass murder in Texas this week has once again stoked the gun control debate in America and once again, left millions outside the United States scratching their heads.
I'm sure you have your own opinions on this topic. I certainly have mine. However, I'm not writing this column to argue my perspective on gun control. My lane is human behavior and leadership. So my point here is not to push for gun control or argue for “the right to bear arms”, rather it is to point out the many cognitive biases and blind spots that can keep people living in denial of hard verifiable facts, derail meaningful dialogue, stifle progress, and perpetuate the very problems we wish to solve.
Three.
Listen to learn
Not to fix. Not to win. But to learn.
Yet whether it is gun control or another issue that you have strong beliefs about, the next time you encounter someone who holds a belief that differs from your own (particularly if it really triggers you!), try this:
Say, "I’m not sure I have the answer, but I’d like to understand what you think?"
And then, close your mouth and truly listen.
Listen with curiosity.
Listen with humility.
Listen with both head and heart.
Most of all, listen with the willingness to change your mind. This brings me to my final suggestion.
Four.
Be willing to change your mind.
And then, if the new information you have learned expands the lens through which you've been viewing a problem or issue, have the courage to change your mind and more so, to say as much.
"You made a good point I hadn’t thought of before. I see things differently now."
It takes a big person to concede idealistic ground they've previously fought hard to protect.
It takes an even bigger person to admit they had it wrong. People like Bill Marriott, Chairman of Marriott hotels, who once told me that learning to listen well and having the humility to admit when you had it wrong was crucial for leadership.
In today’s complex world, leaders who believe they are right are dangerous.
The certainty of their intellectual superiority stifles intellectual debate, stops them truly listening, blinds them to data proving them wrong and traps them in a world they've created but which does not exist.
None of us are immune to confirmation bias. We can all fall into this mind trap. It’s why you have to consciously work to counter your own bias. Which, let’s face it, requires you to be a bigger person than you might want to be.
Be that bigger person.
Because it's almost certain that not everything you think is true and that some of what you think is, well... wrong. Or at least a little misguided.
You don't see the world as it is, but as you are.
You see the world through the lens of your life's experiences and your pool of knowledge. And chances are, someone else possesses relevant knowledge that you don't.
The very word conversation comes from the Latin "to change, together."
Imagine the world we could create if we were each willing to lay down our pride, put our 'rightness' to the side, and engage in civil conversations with genuine humility and courage.
That's a world I'm committed to working toward. How about you?
Margie Warrell is a keynote speaker, leadership expert and bestselling author of You’ve Got This!
