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Leadership is all about influence.
So is marketing. And teaching. And managing. And selling. And communicating. And politics. And, yes, parenting. And, yes, virtually every other kind of human interaction.
If you understand how influencing works—and if you practice it with integrity and authenticity—there’s an excellent chance you’ll succeed in your chosen field. But if you don’t understand how influencing works—or worse yet, if you approach it with cynicism or bad intentions—you’re destined to have rocky relationships and a bumpy career path.
That’s the conclusion of René Rodriguez, a renowned leadership advisor, change management consultant and speaker coach.
For nearly three decades, Rodriguez has researched and applied behavioral neuroscience to solve tough challenges in leadership, sales, and change. He’s trained thousands of leaders from companies including Coco-Cola, 3M, Wells Fargo, Cargill, Nestlé, Microsoft, and others.
His book is Amplify Your Influence: Transform How You Communicate and Lead.
Rodger Dean Duncan: What role do emotional intelligence and self-awareness play in a person’s ability to influence others?
René Rodriguez: I believe a leader’s lack of self-awareness and emotional intelligence is the underlying reason for the “Great Resignation.” People are starving for deeper connections and meaning at work.
We have been saying for years that people don’t quit companies, they quit their supervisors. Attrition and turnover are often a reflection of poor relationships. A leader’s ability to connect depends on their having strong emotional intelligence. That requires self-awareness to recognize how they personally are feeling. Secondly, to have the empathy to understand how others are feeling. Lastly, the skill and discipline to adjust their approach/behavior to best suit the situation. Without self-awareness, none of that is possible.
Duncan: The Greek philosopher Aristotle had much to say about persuasion. How can we put his wisdom to good use today?
René Rodriguez
Rodriguez: Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle (Ethos, Pathos, Logos) is more relevant today than ever. He said that for any argument to be persuasive, you had to be credible (Ethos), emotionally connect (Pathos), and have logical reason (Logos) to support your argument. With social media, anyone can create a platform and share their opinions. But who should we listen to? Credibility (Logos) or your personal brand is always being assessed by your social media metrics (even the vanity ones) and your track record. But the people who can connect deeper through story, vulnerability, and passion (Ethos) supported by a logical (Logos) rationale, are the ones who will thrive over the long term. Good communicators should always be tracking and critiquing themselves based on these three.
Duncan: How should speakers assess their intended audience before preparing and delivering a message?
Rodriguez: The first and most important question when preparing a message is to ask, “who’s my audience?” Imagine playing golf with someone and before they look at the tee, distance, or where the pin is placed, they pull out their favorite club. Immediately we know that would not be smart because how can they choose a club before knowing how far to hit the ball!
Unfortunately, that’s what many speakers and leaders do. They first choose their story or open a blank PowerPoint before properly assessing who their audience is, how they are feeling, and what they may currently be facing. This is yet another area that requires a leader to be empathetic and self-aware. I’ve seen so many people pull out their proverbial driver club on the “putting green” of life leaving divots in their company culture and relationships.
Duncan: In the context of communication, what exactly is “framing,” and how is it best used?
Rodriguez: A frame is similar to a narrative in that is dictates the meaning behind the message. The human brain cannot understand reality without a frame of reference. The biggest mistake communicators make is assuming that we are operating from the same frame of reference.
If I were to say “used car salesman” to you, I would bet that immediately words like “sleezy,” “slick,” or “pushy” might come to mind. Those are frames that the brain unconsciously and immediately pulls from to filter anything said afterwards. That’s why the phrase “Don’t worry, you can trust me, I’m a used car salesman …” makes most people laugh because the frames are incongruent.
Knowing that the brain needs a frame to understand meaning, the skilled communicator starts with the frame before delivering the message to ensure the intended meaning achieved.
Here’s an example. My grandfather was in Cuba as the Cuban revolution was starting. He sent a letter to the president of the United States saying something along the lines of “If you can get me and my family out of this country, I will fight for yours.” Somehow that letter made it to the right person and they pulled him and his family out. He spent eight years in the American Armed Forces and then found his “American dream” in Homestead, Florida. Unfortunately, there was no work. So, his dream was limited to how far he could walk. But there was someone who believed in my grandfather. They saw what he did for this country and got him into an older vehicle which allowed him to find better employment. That person who helped my grandfather was a used car salesman.
Notice how your brain didn’t have a chance to think any negative thought about the used car salesman? That’s because when you start with framing, you do the work for the brain. Before entering a communication or delivering a message to any audience, ask yourself what frame can best set up my talk? What story should I start with that will set the context to best understand my message? If you can master the art of claiming the frame, you will see an immediate increase in your influence.
Duncan: Why is storytelling such a powerful influence tool, and how can a person develop an inventory of good stories?
Rodriguez: The most inspirational leaders are the best storytellers. They know what story to tell at the perfect time to help us see a vision of possibility.
Stories bypass the parts of our brains that resist new ideas and change. Research shows that we spend upwards of 33% of our day daydreaming and scenario planning. There are only two times that we don’t daydream. One, is in a life/death situation. The other is when someone is telling us a story. The reason is the storyteller is daydreaming for us. Stories help us create simplified models of reality. They help us find meaning and narratives to make sense of the world. When we can share a story in the right context to layout complex or innovative ideas, people allow us into their brains to create narratives.
Duncan: Heavy reliance on social media seems to be crippling people in terms of their ability to relate to others. What’s your advice?
Rodriguez: Relating with others requires some basic behaviors like eye contact, conversational skills, and the ability to pick up on social cues. Those skills used to be very normal for people because if we wanted to connect with someone, it required in-person, face-to-face communication. Even the phone requires us to at least have a welcoming or positive tone of voice.
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The abuse of anything is never good, and that applies to social media. If someone is addicted to or over-reliant on digital forms of communication, they miss out on the practice and gaining experience with those basic skills.
Over the years, I have noticed that many have lost the art of having or leading engaging conversation. The best way I have found to connect with people in conversation is through the acronym LOVE—Listen, Observe, Validate, Expand. By listening to and observing body language we can more easily pick up on what is important to them. Then we validate by showing that what they said had an impact on us, even a small impact like “that’s interesting” or “I’ve never been there before …” Finally, by expanding the conversation to go deeper on those topics that they have passion for we create a space for them to share their passions and values with us. By repeating that process, we can quickly get to real conversations and avoid the small talk that most of us are tired of.
Duncan: What’s the difference between influence and manipulation?
Rodriguez: Manipulation has three components. One, is the extreme use of persuasion tactics. Two, is it is at the expense of someone else. Lastly, it is almost always hidden or underhanded. The recipient isn’t aware that they are being manipulated.
Influence, however, is something all of use every day. Influence is critical to our success and overall happiness in life and at work. Influence is defined as the capacity to have an effect on an outcome and to positively affect change. Influence is not at the expense of someone but rather for their benefit and is usually explicit and transparent. If someone had the cure for a disease I had, I would want them to employ every single skill, tactic, and method they can to get me to listen and act on improving my health. In fact, I’d be upset if they didn’t! Good people with the skills of influence make the world a better place. Period.
Duncan: Why do you focus influence in your work?
Rodriguez: I believe this is best understood by looking at the opposite of influence. Imagine telling a joke and no one laughs, selling a product and no one buys, or even casting a vision and no one follows. When we have no influence, we have no impact. When we have no impact, we begin to question our own value and can feel insignificant.
Now imagine the opposite. We tell a joke and people laugh. We Sell a product and people buy. We share a vision, and people get inspired to follow. One might say that this is one of greatest of life’s experiences—the ability to impact the world around us.
Influence isn’t just about selling, communicating, or leading. Influence is about finding our place in the world. It’s about using our skills and passions to positively impact the world and leave our mark. When we can do that, we find our purpose in life.
