Breaking wave on a rough sea against overcast sky, Southern Ocean.
I recently spoke with Amy Gallo about her new book Getting Along—How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People). Amy is also the author of the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict. She co-hosts the Women at Work Podcast and is a contributing editor of the Harvard Business Review, where she writes about workplace dynamics. In her most recent book, Gallo has created a guidebook for how to deal with almost anyone—and how to turn your focus inward when conflict arises.
Gallo identifies nine archetypes of leaders, peers, or direct reports you might run into in the workplace. These include the Political Operator, the Victim, and the Insecure Boss, just to name a few. In her book, Gallo shares practical strategies to help readers navigate stressful work situations with these archetypes. Rather than simply “rolling over” and giving way to prickly personalities, these strategies provide an empowered way forward.
Watch your mental and physical hygiene.
Gallo writes that many people forget about the importance of simple mental and physical “hygiene;” meaning, how you react to a sticky work situation is affected by whether you’ve had enough sleep, if you’ve skipped lunch, or if you’ve got a case of the afternoon blues. When you’re rested and well-fed, you’re more likely to be generous in your interpretation of a situation and give someone the benefit of the doubt. If you know you’re facing a difficult conversation, plan it for before three pm—rather than after three pm, on an empty stomach. You’ll be in a better head space where you can collaborate more meaningfully.
How archetypes show up in the hybrid work world.
After addressing mental and physical hygiene, Gallo shares her approaches to working with the different archetypes. Gallo and I spoke about how these archetypes can manifest in the hybrid world. She shares that the hybrid workplace adds a layer of complexity to all communications; Gallo speaks to how leaders must constantly readjust their communication models.
As Gallo and I discussed, bad behavior is heightened in the hybrid world. Because of the demands of work coupled with the demands of home life, people’s “cracks” are more visible; people may not show up as their most polished selves. While physically removed, difficult co-workers can be psychologically and emotionally draining in a hybrid environment. Gallo and I focused our conversation on how three different archetypes show up in the hybrid workplace: the Passive Aggressive, the Tormentor, and the Know-it-All.
A Passive Aggressive coworker can be especially difficult to interact with, as it’s hard to ascertain the cause of their frustration (or if they indeed are frustrated). The lack of in-person interaction means that difficulties can’t be smoothed over face-to-face. The Tormentor co-worker can become emboldened in the hybrid workspace; their communication may lack the empathy they would be compelled to show in face-to-face interactions. For example, a Tormentor many lash out at someone in a Zoom meeting more readily than they would at a coworker sitting across a conference table. Lastly, the Know-it-All may have a harder time “reading the room” in the hybrid workplace; without the visual or body cues of co-workers, it’s easy for this type to continue unimpeded on a Zoom monologue.
Gallo shares strategies for dealing with each of these archetypes. For example, in meetings leaders can pre-emptively address interruptions from Know-it-Alls by saying things like “Please let me finish this thought before sharing.” Another way to stave off the Know-it-All is by asking for data from other meeting participants. When a leader understands the personality types on their team, they can plan for productive meetings by deploying strategies to mitigate bad behavior.
Equally important as the positive actions leaders can take when dealing with difficult coworkers, Gallo shares actions leaders should not take. As she writes, leaders shouldn’t get into power struggles to determine who is “right” or “wrong.” In the hybrid workplace when clashing personalities lead to discomfort, sometimes it’s okay to let things go in the moment. The leader can address the behavior later, privately.
Focus on managing yourself.
Gallo writes that when working with a difficult person, focus on what you can control and strive to be your best self in the situation. One piece of advice Gallo shares is to not look at an interaction from an all-or-nothing perspective—don't make it "me against them.” That type of thinking narrows your purview. Rather, look at an exchange more broadly and search for ways you and the difficult person can problem solve together.
Gallo also shares the importance of experimenting with different communication tactics when dealing with any of the archetypes. As she writes, it takes courage to experiment and pivot when conversations aren't going as planned, as well as resilience to keep experimenting and looking for solutions. For each archetype, Gallo provides different communication strategies for the reader to try. Gallo encourages readers to stay curious and not to look at people with certainty and set opinions; rather, open up to new possibilities and believe people are capable of change.
While no one would choose to work with difficult people, Gallo provides practical solutions to do good work with these individuals. Her new book offers two paths to help you get there—practical strategies to work with the archetypes, and strategies to help you manage yourself in these interactions.
