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Our planet is covered with smart, well-intentioned people who never seem to reach their goals. They work hard. They have lofty aspirations. They chug along faithfully. But they eventually give up and settle for less than they’d hoped for.
Say what you will about motivational posters in employee lunchrooms, but they occasionally offer some pertinent wisdom:
- “Every challenge you encounter is a fork in the road. You can choose which way to go—backward, forward, breakdown, or breakthrough.”
- “Living in mental cruise control leads to boredom and complacency. A breakthrough in happiness, self-awareness, and mental toughness requires new experience.”
- “When you’re tempted to give up, your breakthrough is probably just around the corner.”
- “Big breakthroughs happen when what is suddenly possible meets what is desperately needed.”
- “Asking ‘Why’ can lead to understanding. Asking ‘Why not?’ can lead to breakthroughs.”
- “Sometimes our breakthrough begins when we refuse to be impressed with the size of our problem.”
As you can plainly see, a common theme here is the notion of “breakthrough.”
If you’re looking for some realistic coaching on how to make your own dreams come true, an excellent source is a new book titled—are you ready for this?—Breakthrough.
The book’s subtitle is an ambitious menu of promises: A Sure-Fire Guide to Realizing Your Potential, Pushing Through Limitations, and Achieving Things You Didn’t Know Were Possible.
Whew! That’s an awfully big pledge, and at first glance it seems to be a stretch. But in this case, the pledge is kept. Promise delivered.
The author is David Nurse, internationally recognized coach to professional athletes, CEOs, actors, and high performers in many other fields of endeavor. As an expert in the power of mindset (he holds two Guinness World Records for basketball shooting), he’s worked with more than 150 NBA players and helped thousands of people in companies like Dell and Salesforce achieve results they previous assumed were out of reach.
So, you have no desire to shoot three-pointers in an NBA game? No problem. Whatever your aspirations may be, this man’s coaching on mindset can help put you in a high performance zone.
Rodger Dean Duncan: For many people who aspire to lofty performance, after all is said and done there’s often more said than done. Why is that?
David Nurse: There’s a big difference between knowing and doing.
The most powerful skill set someone can have is the skill of taking action. But it’s one of the rarest skills to have. Why? Because it’s not always easy. There isn’t always a clear path to success. Action leading to success isn’t black and white. It’s completely gray.
There will always be the person who says, “Well, only if I …” But that person will also be the one living with regret because they didn’t try. And even if you do try and you fail, you just learned a better way and you grew. Saying and knowing are great. But doing is much, much better.
Duncan: You urge people to “stop solving problems” and “eliminate goals.” That seems counterintuitive. Why do you give such advice?
David Nurse
Nurse: Problems are the surface level results off deeper rooted issues. For example, if your hip is hurting, it’s usually not because the hip itself is sore. It’s due to a tight iliotibial band or an issue in your knee that you begin overcompensating for. Problems arise from deeper rooted issues. If you blow up on your wife, that’s likely not because she did something to “incite” you to react that way. Instead, there’s something you’re battling with on the inside that needs to be addressed. The problem is a byproduct of the root cause.
Goals are great, but goals are only mile-markers. Mission is what one should be focusing on. Your success in life is not determined by the goals you hit, as there are so many variables that will happen along the way. The mission you’re on and the pursuit of the mission is what determines success. For example, you could set a goal of doubling sales every year. But what happens when you hit that goal? You must continue to increase it. Or what happens if you don’t hit that goal? Are you a failure? But what if your focus is to create the best product you possibly can that will serve and better the human race? That is a mission. The goals are great mile-markers, but they are not success determiners. Having an impactful mission is.
Duncan: For anyone with lofty aspirations, what do you see as the value in asking “how” questions?
Nurse: Every breakthrough (lofty aspirations accomplished) is an answer to a HOW question.
If you first know WHO you are, then you’re able to detach from results and are fully comfortable in your own skin with true confidence of self-awareness.
Then you add the WHERE. You know where your team is—and the only way to achieve your lofty aspirations is through teamwork with others.
The WHAT question is answered by, “What is the point of all that you are doing?” Serving others is the ultimate what. That will always stand the test of time.
The WHY question isn’t about what you are doing, but who you are doing it for. This is purpose.
So, if you add CONFIDENCE + COOPERATION + SERVICE + PURPOSE = the who, what, where, and why—that is the way you are led to the final answer of HOW. And the final answer of how is the answer to your lofty aspiration.
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Duncan: You coach premier athletes in how to pivot their swagger into a specific type of confident self-awareness. How does that apply to people in a business or organizational setting?
Nurse: Swagger is needed. Swagger is saying “I am the best at this, and I will succeed.”
Swagger is called up through focusing on an individual’s “highlight reel.” This is a moment when the individual was at their all-time best performance, a time when they were in flow state.
Tapping into this swag zone will allow the individual to regain the confidence of “I have done this before at a high level, I can do this again.”
But swagger is not the only driving force. It is swagger + humility (self-awareness). When people are able to balance those two together, they become very dangerous in a great way! They become unshakeable.
Duncan: Unlike cartons of milk, personal strengths don’t come with a clearly stamped shelf life. What lessons can top performers learn that will help them in other areas of their lives?
Nurse: Everyone has an elite strength. Not everyone utilizes it or actualizes it, but everyone has one. It's like Einstein said, “If you tell a goldfish to climb a wall its entire life, it will spend its whole life thinking it’s stupid.”
If you’re highly proficient in an area, that’s the area you pour more time into. For example, basketball players who can shoot threes really, really well isn’t going to spend time working on playing down low in the post. That won’t do them or their team any good. If a manager is great at putting people in the right spots to succeed, for him to spend time doing the scheduling or accounting would be a disservice to his entire team.
Pour into your strengths to become not just great, but elite. Then as the shelf life occurs, as leaders with elite skills become older, they now are able to become the Yodas to the next generation. Be the greatest player in the moment of your prime and the greatest mentor in the moment of their prime.
Duncan: When people are working hard to excel at a particular endeavor, what can they do if the “imposter syndrome” creeps into their thinking?
Nurse: First, the understanding that imposter syndrome is a great thing is one of the most freeing mindsets there is to shake the feeling of “not being good enough.” No one in the history of ever suffered from imposter syndrome when they were sitting on the couch eating popcorn and watching Netflix all day. Imposter syndrome is a great thing! It means you’re doing something impactful!
A great tool to use is a simple “wipe away” the doubt motion with your hands. It’s like the power stance that is supposed to make you feel more confident, but instead it is just a small wipe away motion with the hands. This is a trigger cue to the subconscious that the doubt, the imposter syndrome, is now gone. You give yourself permission through this motion to alleviate any looming doubt.
Duncan: Fear of the unknown can paralyze someone who’s trying to stretch to new performance levels. How can breakthrough confidence help combat such fear?
Nurse: Fear of the unknown is the most powerful fear of all. If someone knew the day they would die, they wouldn’t fear death as much. But if they don’t know the day they die, death is terrifying.
Breakthrough confidence is about knowing that no matter what happens, no matter if your entire identity is taken away, no matter if you are fired from your job today, you are going to be okay because you know who you are! You know you stand for more than what a job title, an amount of sales, or the bottom line says. Your identity isn’t tied to what you do, it’s tied to who you are. And to know that you are loved, that you matter, that you are important. That confidence far exceeds the confidence derived from any type of results.
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Duncan: Why—and how—does having “breakthrough heroes” help people who are seeking breakthroughs of their own?
Nurse: Breakthrough heroes are very important to have because whatever you are shooting for, someone has been there before. You don’t have to recreate the road. You can follow in their footsteps.
These heroes come in different forms. They can be people you aspire to be like, the deemed “best of the best” in your field. They can be mentors who are able to personally show you how to avoid roadblocks and guide you. They can be people for a moment meant to spark you and turn you in the right direction if you get off the path. Heroes have been on the journey you’re currently on. They are sages who are meant to show you the way. You can’t make it on your own. If you are seeking breakthroughs, you must seek breakthrough heroes.
Duncan: How can collaborating with a perceived competitor rather than working against the perceived competitor help someone achieve a personal breakthrough?
Nurse: Competition is a great thing. But competition is not about battling against others. It’s about battling against yourself. It's the reason you see McDonalds next to an In-and-Out next to a Burger King. People know that if you want to get a burger, this is the area of town to come to. It doesn’t mean there’s only a certain amount of burgers that can be bought. The competition in this situation actually generates a higher volume of sales than does a stand-alone fast food burger spot.
Completion competition will take you further than solo battling competition. Collaboration with competition is what equals completion.
For example, instead of the skateboarding world battling Nike, they decided to collaborate with them and in doing so created a $2 billion industry.
Compete daily with yourself to be the best version you can be and then compete with others to complete yourself and others.
Duncan: For people seeking breakthroughs in their careers or any other parts of their lives, there are inevitable setbacks. What’s your advice for bouncing back?
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Nurse: When one door closes, four open to an entire beach front patio overlooking the ocean.
What I mean by that is, when a door closes, it just means a better opportunity is waiting to open up. And what you think is “all lost” has just been a lesson to lead you to something better that’s coming next.
Life is like a long hallway. You walk down the hall and enter a room to the left. There you learn and grow and the door shuts. You keep walking down the hallway and enter the next door. Same situation. Doors closing are blessings, not detriments. The worst thing you can do is stay in the same spot and think that a lost opportunity is the end. The lost opportunity is only the beginning!
Duncan: Breakthrough service, you say, is recognizing that kindness is more important than niceness. What does that mean, and how does it apply to leaders?
Nurse: Niceness is about telling people what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. Kindness is about loving others, and loving others even when it’s hard.
The definition of kindness means unconditional love. Leaders who truly care about their team are going to be kind in a way that both encourages and challenges. There is a matrix of balance for the perfect way to lead through kindness—high support and high challenge.
Great leaders, just like great friends, don’t just tell you something so it makes you feel good. Great leaders lead through seeing the best in someone and not letting them settle for anything less!
A great leader isn’t concerned about their own self-image. They are concerned for the image of the entire team as a whole. And the only way to get the best out of people is to not just support and encourage, but also to challenge.
