“A narcissist can make you feel hopeless, helpless, unworthy, and like it’s all your fault, or you’re going crazy.” Rebecca Zung
“Highly sensitive people tend to be over-givers and toxic people tend to be over-takers.” Julie Bjelland
“I was in a situation where I loved and trusted this person more than I trusted myself.” Anna Kendrick
“Why do some of the nicest, kindest and most thoughtful of us find ourselves painfully connected to narcissists?” Dr. Debi Silber
Relationships with narcissists, bullies and other toxic people can affect our self-esteem, sense of worth, openness to other people, optimism, motivation to be creative and more.
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Being highly sensitive can make us especially vulnerable.
In their conversation in an HSP Podcast episode, Julie Bjelland, the founder of Sensitive Empowerment, and Willow McIntosh, founder of Inluminance, talk about how toxic people can impact us, and how to help protect ourselves.
You may find this episode of value, even if you don’t consider yourself a highly sensitive person.
This audio is a brief excerpt:
From show Notes for the original podcast episode:
HSPs [highly sensitive people] tend to be over-givers and toxic people tend to be over-takers.
This dynamic has been played out for many of us either in our families, friendships, romantic relationships, or even with work colleagues.
Types of toxic relationships included in this discussion:
Family Romantic Friendships Work
Relationship stages
Honeymoon stage (6 months-brain on drugs)
Conflict stage (seek therapy early!)
Deeper love
What we want to start with
Do internal growth and empowerment work
(A big Red flag can be we are not healthy, balanced ourselves) this is first priority
In healthy relationships, we should feel comfortable to be ourselves and feel good around them, you feel accepted for who you are, they can compromise and be understanding, and you can work through conflicts in healthy ways.
Recognizing Red Flags in Toxic Relationships
They might be very self-absorbed, not attentive, and have a sense of entitlement, and require excessive admiration
They put you down, you don’t feel good about yourself when with them
Monopolize conversations or look down on people
Ignore your needs
Take advantage of others to get what they want
Not willing to compromise or recognize the needs and feelings of others
Become impatient or angry when they don’t get what they want or receive special treatment
Have significant problems in their relationships and easily feel slighted
React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior… (continued on page for the original episode)
If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, please reach out for support and visit the national domestic violence hotline that offers free, confidential support and many resources to help too at https://www.thehotline.org/ or Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
Enjoy the full length podcast “Episode 104: How to Avoid and Heal From Toxic Relationships, with Julie and Willow” –
see link on the The HSP Podcast page on Julie Bjelland’s Sensitive Empowerment site, where you can find her many articles, books, courses, Sensitive Community and other resources.
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Register for free webinar by Julie Bjelland, LMFT: How to Set Healthy Boundaries and Why it’s Essential for Wellness as an HSP.
From related blog post of hers: “Here are some things to remember when thinking about boundaries:
- It is not my job to fix others.
- It is okay to say no
- It is not my job to take responsibility for others
- I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others.
- It is my job to meet my needs.
- Nobody has to agree with me.
- I have a right to my own feelings.
- I am enough.
Also see article How Can Highly Sensitive People enjoy healthier relationships and deal with toxic people? – Quote from the article: “Energy vampires are people who suck our energy dry. Everyone can benefit from skills on how to cope with them.” Judith Orloff M.D.
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Photo above and at top of page:
Anna Kendrick has commented about starring in the movie ‘Alice, Darling’ which she helped get made as an executive producer:
“I was coming out of a personal experience with emotional abuse and psychological abuse.”
Describing her former relationship, Kendrick says, “I was in a situation where I loved and trusted this person more than I trusted myself.
“So when that person is telling you that you have a distorted sense of reality and that you are impossible and that all the stuff that you think is going on is not going on, your life gets really confusing really quickly…”
See video with her, plus related material from trauma and relationship experts, in article How attachment styles and trauma impact our lives and relationships.
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Dealing with narcissists to stop feeling trapped
Rebecca Zung is an attorney and narcissist negotiation expert. She notes a narcissist can make you feel hopeless, helpless, unworthy, and like it’s all your fault, or you’re going crazy.”
They use favorite catchphrases like: “You can trust me.” or or “You’re attacking me / interrupting me.”
And “I never said that.” or “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” – They love gaslighting.
Rebecca Zung has developed ways to understand and communicate, so “You can actually transform your relationship and feel valued, honored and respected.”
Learn about her free class Communicating With A Narcissist
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The Narcissist Trap
“Why do some of the nicest, kindest and most thoughtful of us find ourselves painfully connected to narcissists?
“Time and time again, you see it. A sweet sympathetic person wound around a narcissistic finger.
“Given their personality traits, it makes sense, and even if the sensitive person knows better, their understanding nature makes them a narcissistic magnet and vice versa.
“The inherent problem is that their caring nature makes them want to “help”, “heal”, and “nurture” the narcissist.”
From article The Narcissist Trap by Dr. Debi Silber, founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute. Follow link to learn about her posts, podcast, books and programs.
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Douglas Eby (M.A./Psychology) is author of the The Creative Mind series of sites which provide “Information and inspiration to help creative people thrive.”
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