mouth shouting
You have so much coming at you daily: from client requests, team member reviews, requests for feedback, meetings every hour. All of this adds up to a lot of stress; it can be hard to hold it all together. Have you ever lived this scenario: the stress becomes too much, you reach a boiling point, and snap—you unload on a team member? Afterward, you immediately, regret it. You see it on the team member’s face; they’re upset, angry—maybe even scared. Do this enough and you’ll have a demotivated team who are unable to access their creative ideas to solve the problems you need solving.
The good news is that you can come back after snapping at someone on your team; here’s how.
Is this a habit? Analyze the data.
It can be easy to call your emotional outburst a “one-time occurrence.” But is it? Often leaders don’t realize how they’ve made “snapping” a habit. Take stock and get some data. Request a 360 so you can analyze data points regarding how you show up in group settings. If you find you’re in the “snapping habit,” ask for action steps on how to move forward more productively.
Another idea is to keep a journal after each meeting. Assess: what happened? How did the meeting go? Get another viewpoint from a trusted advisor, peer, or friend. Ask them to observe you in meetings. Ask questions like, "When do I snap? Who do I snap at? What are the types of actions or things that trigger me to become upset?” With all of this data, you’ll have enough information to assess how you show up and what you can do differently.
Say “I’m sorry.”
The most important thing you can do after you snap at someone is to say “I’m sorry” as soon as possible. Ignoring the situation will make matters worse in the long run. When you’re apologizing, follow these rules: first, be authentic. Apologize in person (or on Zoom), not over email or Slack. You don't need to have a long, drawn-out conversation—name the specific incident and share that you’re sorry. Don’t continue to bring up the incident; say it once and be done.
Have a plan for cooling it in the moment.
One client of mine found that he would snap at his team when a meeting was being handled inefficiently. When he sensed a meeting going off course, he learned to slow himself down and push the meeting forward, gently. My client could physically feel himself getting angry; he would pinch his thigh as a physical cue to help him calm down. What are your “trigger points?” Identify what sets you off and have a plan to help you calm down in the moment.
Consider these questions as you evaluate the situations where you snap:
-What work situations activate your stress/anger response?
-Where does anger start in your body?
-What physical cue could you implement to calm yourself?
Remember that you don’t have to be perfect; everyone slips up. If you snap at a team member, say “I’m sorry,” and work to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Your authenticity and care will help your team stay motivated and positive.
