While it’s one of the most important conversations we can have, in life and business, many people ... [+]
Patrice Washington is an author, finance expert, international speaker and host of the Redefining Wealth podcast. She joined Negotiate Anything to share her best advice for having difficult conversations about money in your most important relationships.
What Makes This Topic So Hard
While it’s one of the most important conversations we can have, in life and business, many people find themselves uncomfortable discussing money, even in their personal relationships. Cultural norms play a tremendous role in this. For example, in the United States, talking openly about money (how much we earn or have in our accounts) can be considered taboo. There is an expectation that this information will be kept fairly private.
On the other hand, Washington believes that the topic of money is also incredibly personal, making it difficult to explore.
“You would think that numbers were just black and white and it’s just dollars and cents, but the truth is that money is so emotional for all of us,” she explained.
In addition to emotional barriers, most of us were not taught how to have deliberate conversations about finance - at home or through formal education. This makes it difficult to do in adulthood.
“You grow up, you turn 18 and people kind of expect you to just know,” she remarked.
The combination of these factors creates an anxiety around money conversations that impacts almost all adults, especially when we factor in the increasing amount of student loan debt.
“Here we are, so brilliant in these job titles, but not so brilliant when it comes to very basic everyday spending habits,” Washington said.
Where to Begin
According to Washington, any productive conversation about finances begins with self-reflection.
“Before you can really have a fruitful conversation about finances, you have to understand your own financial blueprint and their financial blueprint,” she advised.
Starting with yourself, Washington encouraged listeners to ask themselves:
- What did I learn about money growing up?
- What types of things did I hear about money?
- How did I see my parents/family members interacting with money?
These same questions can be posed to your partner as well. Ideally, the responses to these questions will help illuminate why each person practices certain financial habits, while also helping both parties remain open-minded to the ways in which their partner’s habits differ from their own.
Engaging in these conversations requires empathy and vulnerability, which is why Washington suggests scheduling them at the right time.
“The time to have these conversations is when there is peace,” she explained. “It’s not time to have these conversations in wartime because then you can’t get to the vulnerability and empathy. Somebody is going to put a wall up.”
Equally important is recognizing that nobody’s way is 100% correct, meaning there is no room to judge somebody else’s financial habits, no matter how frustrating they seem.
She encourages partners to assume best intent and remain committed to creating a new path forward that works for everybody.
Creating Reasonable Expectations
Financial habits can become deeply ingrained in all of us, with strong emotional attachments. It’s important to remember that it can, and likely will, take time to make changes.
“Patience is going to be your greatest friend,” Washington shared. “You have to be patient with the process.”
Rather than forcing new habits on a partner, she advised listeners to focus on modeling some of the new habits while making room for them to fail, something all of us will face on the journey to financial freedom.
“Most things that stuck for me, I had to fail,” Washington admits. “I have to have a little breakdown in order to have a breakthrough.”
It Starts With You
It’s okay for conversations about money to feel challenging. As a society, most of us haven’t been taught to discuss money openly, nor have we been taught how to successfully engage in difficult, emotional conversations.
Washington once again encouraged listeners to begin by having difficult conversations with themselves first - gaining clarity on their own financial identities and values.
“At the end of the day, it’s what we all have to master.”
Visit www.patricewashington.com to learn more. To listen to the full episode, click here.
