Winning the Status Game

There are two things every human craves, according to science writer Will Storr, author of The Status Game. We want to get along and get ahead. In other words, we desire to be part of a group – a very basic human need – and we desire to be admired, to have status within the group. It’s a never-ending part of the human experience, says Storr (he calls it a game) that encompasses more than fame and money.

Storr says, “It’s much more complex than saying, “Status is about the pursuit of fame and money.” Fundamentally, it’s about feeling valued. We want to feel valued by our group—that’s what status is.” Because there are an infinite number of groups, status (what’s valued) can vary in infinite ways.

Modern Americans tend to value money and fame, so status is most often associated with those qualities. But status can also be associated with youth, beauty, intellectual achievement, power, marriage, even parenthood. You can also gain status by associating with any of these valued qualities: stylists to the stars, author of a parenting book, etc.

Storr says the concept of status is hard-wired from our earliest hunter/gatherer days on Earth. In order to gain and keep the protection of the group, we had to find ways to be of value. You could be valuable because of your competence or achievements, or because of your selfless sharing qualities. Once you see that pattern, you’ll find it’s a familiar one, even tens of thousands of years later.

Status, or the perception of being respected by your group, is critical to your wellbeing. Your perceived status is also a major contributor to your physical and mental health, according to many scientific studies over centuries across gender, culture, age, and personality.  

Humans will do whatever it takes to achieve status: acquire expensive goods, expensive spouses, the biggest house they can, even if they can’t afford any of it. They’ll change their lifestyle, their values, and even their looks to gain status.

Storr says that there are three basic status games: Dominance, Success, and Virtue. We’re all playing those games at any given time, jockeying for position among our close peers, our family, and, for the past decade or two, the entire social media universe.

The Dominance game is about violence, or the threat of violence. Bullying, social ostracizing, ridicule, and humiliation are all part of displaying dominance. We like to think we’ve evolved past the idea of dominance as the way to achieve status. But we’ve outsourced it to others and turned it into entertainment. From the NFL to professional wrestling to Real Housewives, we get our dominance fix (and helpful tips) from people we observe from the sidelines. We shouldn’t be surprised when dominance through the threat of violence bleeds back into our everyday culture; for some of us, achievement and virtue are not attainable. If they’re not, you work with what you have.

Success is about competence, showing that you can do something well. Whether it’s your creativity, your business achievements, or your ability to make money, people are rewarded with status when they can show others what they can do better than others.

The final status game, Storr says, is virtue. “Virtue is all about following the rules, knowing the rules, enforcing the rules, believing the sacred beliefs. Religion is a virtue game. The British royal family is a virtue game. When we are virtuous, when we’re selfless, when we do something good, people automatically go, ‘Oh, that’s really good. You did a great thing,’ and they give us a bit of status. It’s even internal. When we give money to charity or do something that’s good, we feel better about ourselves. We reward ourselves with status internally. No other animal has this system of rewards for virtuous behavior.”

You would think that the virtue game is what makes the world a better place, but Storr says it’s actually the success game that has improved the lives of millions of people around the world. At the start of the Industrial Revolution, we started to value knowledge over religion and myth. People stopped obeying the rules (like those of rank and knowing your place in life) and started figuring out things and creating things that would make their own lives better – and the lives of their community members.

Storr says, “Success games have invented vaccines that have saved the lives and prevented the deaths of billions of people. It’s these success games that have figured out how cholera spreads. This is not a kind of paean to capitalism. What I’m saying is that it is actually the practice of competence that has made the world a better and fairer place.”

Storr says that the most powerful and likeable people in society have three characteristics: warmth, sincerity, and competence. If you display all three, you’ll be able to lead and persuade anyone. Warmth tells people you’re not going to try to dominate them. Sincerity tells them you understand the virtue game; you’ll be honest and fair with them. And competence gives them confidence that you know what you’re doing.

If you want a formula for success, that’s it: warmth, sincerity, and competence.

Find Will Storr’s The Status Game here.