Setting Aside Your Ego To Find Better Solutions

Did you ever notice how some people cling to their opinions like Velcro, refusing to give alternate views a fair hearing?

Or—be honest now—do you sometimes behave that way yourself?

When I first heard of peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches, I almost literally gagged. Then I dared to take a bite. To my surprise, I found that odd-sounding combination to be quite appealing.

The same can be said of ideas. Giving someone else’s perspective a fair hearing is not only polite, it can lead to breakthrough problem solving and innovation.

No book has done more to advance the notion of collaboration that Stephen R. Covey’s classic book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The 30^th anniversary of that book is now available, with commentary by Sean Covey, the author’s son. Today Sean Covey is himself a well-respected and globe-trotting thought leader.

Rodger Dean Duncan: Habit 6—Synergize—is the culmination of all the previous habits. The benefits of synergy seem so self-evident, yet some politicians are criticized by their supporters when they talk about “working across the aisle” with people of different views. What mental blocks seem to prevent the adoption of a habit with so much potential for the common good?

Sean Covey: You are right. There is so much potential for the common good if we can learn to work across the aisle, so to speak. The mental blocks getting in the way are clear.

First, we don’t value differences but are threatened by them. If someone thinks differently or looks different or has different friends or affiliations, we too often see that as a negative and not an advantage. The reality is that differences are good. If two people think alike one is unnecessary.

Duncan: We’re living in a world with a lot of zero-sum thinking.

Covey: Yes, and that produces another mental block—the belief that there are only two alternatives when people have a conflict. That is, it’s either my way or your way. And nothing in between. Again, in reality, there are almost always third alternatives that are better than what either side had in mind to begin with, if they are willing to talk and be open and brainstorm.

After working with tens of thousands of organizations, this is what we’ve learned at FranklinCovey about synergy—Synergy works. It’s not just a nice theory or an ideal. Life is a team sport, and with the right attitude and skills you can find synergistic answers to complex problems most of the time. Not necessarily all of the time, but most of the time.

Duncan: What seems to be the key to finding third alternatives?

Covey: To find third alternatives, you have to believe that they exist. You have to believe in the idea that by working together we can find a solution that’s better than what either of us had in mind. If you don’t believe this, if you’re thinking that synergy is unrealistic and that it’s either your way or my way, you will never master it.

A key to finding third alternatives is to set aside your ego and acknowledge that you need the collective intelligence of everyone involved to find the best solution. Every individual is smart in different ways and everyone can contribute. Increasingly, science is teaching us about how complex intelligence is.

Duncan: What are researchers discovering that’s related to this issue?

Covey: Howard Gardner, a psychologist at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, proposes nine different types of intelligence. He suggests that individuals possess one or more of these attributes, including such kinds as special, linguistic, logical-mathematical, intrapersonal, interpersonal, musical, special, and kinesthetic.

So the next time you have a difference with someone, say out loud, “Good, you see it differently!”