A Research Paper By Ulrike Heine, Expat and Mid-Life Coach, GERMANY
With Support Through Coaching, It Is Possible to See Mid-Life as an Opportunity to Be More Joyful and Happy.
Mid-life takes place in the middle of adulthood rather than in the middle of life. It is often referred to as a period of life with its own psychological and physiological changes. Even though at the peak of our lives, with the experience and achievements we have collected through the years, it seems that we still are troubled by our perceived shortcomings or lack of accomplishments, and the opportunity to enjoy happiness and achieve life satisfaction at that stage of our lives is easily overlooked.
In the Chinese language word for crisis is presented by two characters symbolizing Danger and Opportunity and many experience mid-life as a crisis even though not all. Coaching can help middle-aged individuals discover opportunities ahead of them and gain more joy and happiness.
危機
Danger Opportunity
The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.― John F. Kennedy, 1950-
The research paper will cover the following topics:
- What is mid-life?
- U curve of happiness
- Discovering Opportunities
- Coaching during mid-life
Definition of Mid-life
Elliot Jacques, a Canadian psychoanalyst, and social scientist, created the concept of ‘midlife crises’ in 1957, after recognizing that in that phase of people’s lives, some changes related to identity and self-confidence happen, and as a result of these changes people experience a psychological crisis.
Midlife is usually associated with the age range between 40 and 60 years old, although the limits might be influenced by cultural aspects e.g. in China, it is understood to be between 30 and 60 years. Depending on an ethical and cultural background as well as demographics, midlife has different importance in society and is experienced differently.
When we look at the percentage of citizens in midlife in the year 2021, Germany for example has 27,7% whereas America had 49.45%, and globally 23,1% of the world’s citizens are in that age group.
Until the late 1970s in Germany, it was believed that only men had mid-life crises, not women as their societal roles were important enough to warrant an existential crisis. Gender roles are a lot more fluid nowadays, therefore challenges and opportunities in midlife are perceived to be universal.
Mid-life could be the right time to pause and reflect, but unfortunately, it often comes with negative feelings regarding the evaluation of our lives, our identity, our roles in life, and the choices we make. Entering a life phase like adolescence or midlife is commonly associated with crisis. Many people think that they somehow lost their true identity through life experiences and feel that they don’t enjoy the life they are living at that moment.
The increase of middle-aged people in the world’s population leads to an increase in interest in work-life balance and well-being which opens up the market for coaching.
Renown authors took the following approaches:
John Whitmore recognized as one of the founding fathers of coaching, defines coaching as ‘unlocking a person`s potential to maximize their performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them facilitation’ (1).
In her book, “Waking Up in Winter,” Cheryl Richardson describes midlife as a time when we ask ourselves many “What if” questions (2): questions about our judgment, energy, laziness, our comfort zone, and many more. These two words, “What If” are often keeping us in her opinion from doing what we really want to do. For a person around 20 years old when everything feels possible, for a middle-aged person there is much more doubt about ability, possibility, and time.
Margie Lachmann calls the midlife crises “a tale of two midlives” (3) and continues to question why some people see midlife as a low point in their lives but others see it as a peak, when they possess the wide range of life skills and experiences they can utilize for their benefit.
In her book, “Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife”, Barbara Bradley Hagerty writes: “People who seem happiest are the people who feel like they can express aspects of themselves that feel vital to them, that make them feel alive. It is not any particular path you have to take; it is being able to express the core of who you are.” (4)
The U-Curve of Happiness
Is there a clear association between age and happiness? Dr. David Blanchflower, Professor of Economics at Dartmouth University, and his team examined the well-being of 500,000 Americans and Europeans, using the General Social Surveys of the United States as well as the Eurobarometer Surveys, and uncovered a U-shaped ‘happiness curve’.A lot of variables such as level of income, employment status, and social status have an impact on the level of happiness but the data collected during the research around happiness and satisfaction led to the discovery of the general pattern of the U-curve of happiness.
Data researchers found out that the level of happiness changes through adulthood, dropping during mid-life and then beginning its recovery around age 50, reaching its peak at the end of life.
At around 40, many people have gained experience, fulfilled social expectations as well as reaching their personal goals, and feel happy. Whereas typically around the age of 50 people start focusing more on social competition than social connection.
Focusing on the positive, cherishing experiences we have gained, and forgiving ourselves for any shortcomings and failings allows us to realize that “having it all” is not needed to achieve happiness. This powerful realization takes people one step closer to feeling fulfilled and happy. Acceptance of who we are and setting achievable goals is equally important.
From looking at the U-curve of happiness it is clear, that after the low comes a high towards the end of the life cycle, and even for middle-aged people there is a lot of room for joy and happiness in the years to come.
Discovering Opportunities
Challenges
We all obviously encounter different challenges throughout our lives, but in mid-life, many people are feeling particularly ‘stuck’, they are uncertain whether they want to stay in their comfort zone or whether they are brave enough to explore different, maybe more challenging paths. Possibilities are often overlooked or ignored. Doubt and negativity start to rule people’s minds.
The choice is ours; we can make positive changes when possible as well as truly accept what cannot be changed, and live up to our dreams, desires, and goals.
Mid-Life: Time of Following Psychological and Physical Changes:
Middle-aged people often experience different family, professional, and societal challenges. The stress they often bring may lead to:
- The feeling of insecurity, often related to the fear of the unknown and not knowing who we truly are
- Increase in migraine often due to stress and hormonal changes
- Increase in sleeping problems
- Increase in the suicide rate
- Increase in sexual problems
- Depression
Limiting Believes
Definition: limiting beliefs are the stories we believe to be true about ourselves and which may hinder us from becoming who we want to be, for example:
- ‘I don’t have the time ‘
We keep ourselves busy with many other things instead of prioritizing.
- ‘I don’t have the knowledge’
Often a reason not to try; often coexists with the fear of the future
- ‘I am not strong enough’
Not recognizing our inner strengths to navigate difficult situations
- ‘I don’t deserve better’
Not to have an understanding of our strengths
Opportunities to Explore
- To become aware that it is “Mid-life”!
- To change mindset: “Glass half full /half empty”
- To recognize habits that don’t serve us anymore.
- To find ways to increase happiness and be content.
- To understand our strengths and to build upon them.
- To commit to a change of lifestyle
Different Approaches in Mid-Life
These three approaches can be understood as ‘3 Ds’ and they illustrate how the different roles of a counselor, a therapist, and a coach depend on the scale of the problem presented by a client and different professional abilities.
Counseling: ( a client in Distress) A counselor supports the client with managing the situation through his own experience and expertise.
Therapy: (a client with Damage) A therapist supports his patient in managing traumatic events, mental health issues, and the damage they caused.
Coaching: (a client with aDream) A coach supports the client with a stronger focus on the present and future and attention to dreams and goals.
Coaching and Mid-Life
A coach sees his/her client as a fully functional human being, having the answers within themselves and, facilitating growth and supporting the client in clarifying current and future goals.
According to the Austrian Psychiatrist Victor E. Frankl a human being needs to have a purpose in life to feel happy and content. Frankl’s theory is that the basis for a purpose in life is the wish for a purpose as well as freedom of will.
Throughout life this life purpose is variable, sometimes more or less clear. A coach can support in finding or realizing what the individual purpose is.
Even though the question about one’s purpose in life can come up at any time, they are particularly often showing up in mid-life, since this is a time when dreams, accomplishments, and possibilities are judged thus often leading to a mid-life crisis.
In the coaching process, some most important questions to ask a middle-aged client are:
- Is the client the person he/she wants to be?
- Is the client doing the things he/she wants to do?
- Is the client living life according to his/her own personal values?
These questions are designed to help the client fully understand his/her values, his/her goals and to recognize their habits or beliefs that are of no service anymore.
Many clients, in the age group between 40 and 60, contact a coach to solve a particular challenge. Mid-life crisis is often later identified as the underlying cause of their challenge, and by addressing mid-life issues the original challenge can be effectively addressed and solved. The coach’s role is to discover with the client the context of their thinking patterns. The coach can help their client realize that the number of life chapters is actually irrelevant and recognize that at that stage of their lives, they have lots of experience that enables them to make thought-through and exciting choices.
Any coaching session is client-led. The coach and client are working together, creating a mind map through open questions. The mind map enables one to address willingness to introduce changes and take up opportunities whilst unveiling any limiting beliefs. Coaching can offer new perspectives, where there seemed to be none. Sometimes a dream remains a dream but sometimes a realistic opportunity arises. A coach is trained to unlock hidden themes, such as the need to control, or values such as respect, integrity, trust, appreciation, acknowledgment, and commitment. Coach and client will work together to create an action plan at the end of the session/sessions.
Coaching clients, in the age group between 40 and 60, often consult a coach to solve a particular challenge. Mid-life crisis is often identified as the underlying cause, by addressing mid-life issues the initial challenge is addressed and solved. The coach’s role is to discover with the client choices they have and help them realize that the number of life chapters does not necessarily mean that we are just old but to recognize that at that stage of our lives, we have lots of experience that enable us to make new, good, exciting choices which subsequently leads to identify a purpose or a new purpose for this chapter in life.
Coaching People Who Experience Their Mid-Life Crisis
Coaching people who experience their mid-life crisis should focus on discovering their purpose in life, motivation, and dealing effectively with confusion about goals and life.
Coaching is about well-being which is associated with joy. Through reflective questions, Coaching explores possible pathways directed by the client’s values and goals in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Coaching focuses on positive emotions to see more possibilities and get better clarity about oneself.
Remembering a time in life when the most joy was felt can be a useful tool- a coach can support their client in times when their joy falls below this level and work on bringing the level back up and when joy is above this line, to recognize what happened and to utilize this knowledge to grow.
A coach supports the client to find his/her own way to deal with challenges, uncover what lies beneath, and formulate an action plan to reach his/her potential as well as grow as a person to feel more happy and content.
References
David Blanchflower, ‘Is Happiness U-shaped Everywhere? Age and Subjective Wellbeing in 132 Countries,’ National Bureau of Economic Research (January 2020)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7347230/
Dietl, Helmut. Lebenslagen: Fakten zur Midlife-Krise. In: cash.ch, 2022, online. Lebenslagen.pdf (archive.org)
Nebel, Klaudia: Die Chance der Mitte, Matr.Nr.9103455 Hochschulschriften / Die Chance der Mitte (uni-graz.at)
Waxman, Barbara (2021) The myth of the midlife crises, Ted Talk
Basta, Paulina (2021) My mid-life lesson, Ted Talk
Philippi, Anne (2018) Why we need to disrupt middle age, TED talk
Richardson, Cheryl, Waking up in Winter, 2019
Chinese Character
Blanchflower, David G./ Oswald, Andrew; IS WELL-BEING U-SHAPED OVER THE LIFE CYCLE? Working Paper 12935
Brooking
Franklin, Marion; The Heart of Laser-Focused Coaching, 2019 STATISA
Visualities
ResearchGate
Frankl, Victor E.; Ärztliche Seelsorge, 2007
Schechner, Johana/ Zürner,Heidemarie, Krisen bewältigen, 2018
(1) Whitmore, 1992,8
(2) Waking Up in Winter: In Search of What Really Matters at Midlife, Cheryl Richardson , 204
(3) Lachmann, M.E., « Development in Midlife » Anual Review of Psychology 55 (2004)305-31
(4) BradleyHagerty, Barbara « Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife ( 2016)26
(5) Schmitz E. Sinnkrisen, Belastung, Lebenssinn—Psychologische Perspektiven, Konzepte und Forschung. In: Petzold H.G., Orth I., editors. Sinn, Sinnerfahrung, Lebenssinn in Psychologie und Psychotherapie. Band I: Sinn und Sinnerfahrung—Interdisziplinäre Perspektiven. Edition Sirius; Bielefeld, Germany: 2005. pp. 123–155. [Google Scholar]