A Coaching Power Tool By Andrea Gosselink, Career Coach, AUSTRALIA
Either/Or vs. Possibility: The Power of Choice
The Power Tool of Either/Or vs.Possibility explores the power of choice. When faced with a decision, individuals often narrow down their options to two choices and in many cases, these are at extremes. For example, “I either go all in” or “I do nothing”. This can be a limiting view, and the individual can struggle to make a decision as neither choice feels like the “right” one for them. This concept comes up so commonly that there are a number of names for this line of thinking: Black or White, All-or-Nothing, Binary, Dualistic, and Polarised (Drew, 2023).
This concept is also defined as the False Dilemma or False Dichotomy in logical fallacies. A False Dilemma is one where an individual believes there are only two options when, in fact, there are many possibilities that could occur. While the exact origin is not known, early Hindu texts dating back somewhere from the 2nd-6th century explore logical fallacies (Kramer, 2023). This concept is frequently used in society to force people to make a choice whether that be on a political issue, sales situations, or cultural arguments. For example, you are either “Party A” or “Party B, “get the deal” or “lose out”, or “pro” or “against”.
The opposing view is one where there are many choices, or in other words, endless possibilities.
The “Possibility” concept describes where there are many, maybe even an infinite number, other options that are available to consider. Where the “Either/Or” concept often presents itself as two extremes on a continuum, the “Possibility” concept invites individuals to consider what options might lie in the middle of the continuum. The ‘Middle-way’ is an idea present in many religions (Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism) and was part of the teaching of Aristotle where one should avoid extremes, but find balance and moderation in the middle.
Either/Or vs. Possibility in Coaching
While infinite options can be overwhelming, it can give the client an opportunity to go beyond their current thinking. When clients are only considering two options, when in fact there are many other options to consider, encouraging a client to consider third, fourth, or even more options can help them open their thinking to new possibilities that might better align with their needs. One way to do this is to use the “Yes, and…” concept. This concept is found in improvisation where two individuals build off each other’s ideas by adding “Yes, and” at the beginning of their idea. This leads to more options and cooperation between the individuals. For example, if a client states that they are considering option A or B, a coach can ask: “Yes, and what might be another option to consider?”
If you see a client limiting their choices to two extremes it can be helpful to share this observation aligning to Evokes Awareness -Coach shares with no attachment-observations, intuitions, comments, thoughts, or feelings, and invites the client’s exploration through verbal or tonal invitation (7.5). For example, “I see you are considering option A and option B, these appear to be at the ends of a spectrum. What comes up for you when I share that?” Further, you can invite them to consider other options, “What possibilities in the middle might you consider?”
A Case Study
Recently, a client was exploring how she can work better with her peers. She had received feedback that she pushed her peers ‘too hard’ for results. In her mind, her choices were to either maintain her high standards and do the work herself or to accept what her peers contributed as the final product even if she thought it could be better. She knew the first option would limit her career trajectory, she needed to be able to get results from others. She thought then that this left her with learning how to accept a lower standard as her only choice.
During the session, we explored what would happen if she simply accepted a lower standard of work. (What would you lose if you accepted the work “as is” from your peers?) She knew that she would not be happy putting forward work that she felt was sub-par. We looked at how her interactions with her peers had been going and she realised she was coming across as demanding and not demonstrating an understanding towards their challenges. We then explored how she wanted to come across in these situations, she stated she wanted to bring influence to these situations with empathy and a coaching mindset. (What would you like these interactions to look like?) She decided she would approach these situations with curiosity to understand what challenges her peer may be facing, and would use more open coaching questions to try to get a better result. For example, instead of asking; “Why can’t you have this done by Tuesday?”, asking “What challenges are you facing with this task?” We explored what else she wanted to do in these situations. (What else might you consider?) She also realized she needed to build in more buffer time to her project timeline and set clearer expectations upfront.
Through this conversation, she realized that she had more options and possibilities to consider when it came to leading projects with her peers. She also realized that she could influence others to get the result that met her standards with changes to her approach.
Using the Power Tool of Either/Or vs. Possibility
Self-limiting our choices is a common habit that many individuals don’t realize they are doing. Coaching can help clients realize that they are limiting their options and that there are many more possibilities to consider. Using the Power Tool of Either/Or vs. Possibility provides coaches and clients with questions to consider that help them explore their current thinking and how they can change their mindset to provide more choices for them to consider.
Power Tool: Either/or vs. Possibility
While it may seem helpful to limit our choices, we may be doing that before considering better alternatives. | In every moment, there is infinite possibility. We need to be open to alternative options when making a decision. |
When we only limit ourselves to two choices, often at the extremes, we can find ourselves making a sub-optimal choice. | Opening ourselves up to other possibilities gives us more options to consider. We can find one that better suits our needs, and is more likely to move us towards the outcome we are seeking. |
Coaching Questions: | Coaching Questions: |
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References
Drew, C. (April 6, 2023). 21 Either-Or Fallacy Examples. Helpful Professor.
Kramer, L. (April 10, 2023). 15 Logical Fallacies to Know, With Definitions and Examples. Grammerly.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/either-or