A Coaching Power Tool By Julia George, Moms/Parent Coach, UNITED STATES
Inspiring vs. Requiring: Make a World of Difference in Our Lives
“A man came across three masons who were working at chipping chunks of granite from large blocks. The first seemed unhappy at his job, chipping away and frequently looking at his watch. When the man asked what it was that he was doing, the first mason responded, rather curtly, “I’m hammering this stupid rock, and I can’t wait ’til 5 when I can go home.”
”A second mason, seemingly more interested in his work, was hammering diligently and when asked what it was that he was doing, answered, “Well, I’m molding this block of rock so that it can be used with others to construct a wall. It’s not bad work, but I’ll sure be glad when it’s done.”
”A third mason was hammering at his block fervently, taking time to stand back and admire his work. He chipped off small pieces until he was satisfied that it was the best he could do. When he was questioned about his work he stopped, gazed skyward, and proudly proclaimed, “I…am building a cathedral!”
“Three men, three different attitudes, all doing the same job.” – Story of Christopher Wren
How often do we do things just because we must, we are not satisfied with the work and it does not bring us joy? How often do we do things that we know a little more why we are doing it, but that we still feel like we need to do it and again the work becomes drudgery? How often do we know why we do something and feel passionate about it and the work is joyous? In life, most of what we do falls into the first two categories of feeling required to do something. It is very seldom that we are truly inspired to do something. These two ideas of requiring and inspiring make a world of difference in our lives and in the lives of those we coach.
What Is the Difference Between Inspiring vs. Requiring?
Requiring
In families, parents often require their kids to do things; clean their room, stop fighting, eat dinner, and so on. This often creates kids who do only the bare minimum their parents are asking, it means that getting something done is no fun, that making progress is not enjoyable, and that they must just do what their parents are asking.
This happens often at work. Think back to a time in your job when you were thinking “This sucks” and it most likely came from being required to do something without any real explanation as to why. The order came without any explanation as to how it related to the mission of the job and may have even felt not right to do. It may have been an important piece of being able to fulfill the purpose but without someone explaining why it just became drudgery. They failed to inspire you and you most likely didn’t do your best job. Companies that succeed in life don’t just require, they inspire.
Another aspect of the requirement is the requiring we do of ourselves. The word motivation means “to move”. It requires moving to some end. It requires us to psych ourselves up for something and often requires some external force or result. Nine out of ten times when we only have motivation, we don’t get it done. Why is this? Because it comes from outside of ourselves.
Inspiring
On the other hand, the word inspire means “in spirit”. Inspiration comes from within us. When you are in tune with your inner self, you are drawn to what feels right. Your life is filled with passion, exciting, and worth pursuing. Your goals are awesome, and you have the drive and dedication to pursue them. You feel like you can accomplish anything. You feel your ideas are valuable. Look how different this all is to feeling required to do something whether it is from another person or ourselves who do the requiring!
If you look at the cross sections of the human brain from the top, it is divided into three parts. The first part is the homo sapien part of the brain or the neo-cortex. This is the rational thought and language part of the brain. Requirements talk to this part of the brain only. The next two parts of the brain are the limbic brain. This controls feelings and all decision-making. It does not control language. Inspiration talks to this part of the brain and often makes us “feel” something is right even though we can’t explain why. This then leads us to decide to do something. So how do we then inspire ourselves?
Inspiring vs. Requiring: We Need to Know Why We Do What We Do
Most people know about Orville and Wilbur Wright, but hardly anyone knows Samuel Pierpont Langley. During the time that Orville and Wilbur Wright were trying to build a flying machine, Samuel Pierpont Langley was doing the same thing. Samuel was given $50,000 from the War Department to complete this. He had a seat at Harvard and worked at the Smithsonian, so he knew some of the greatest minds of the time. He hired the most brilliant minds he could find for his team. The market at the time was primed and ready for a flying machine. The New York Times followed him everywhere just waiting for his big breakthrough.
Orville and Wilbur Wright, compared to Samuel, had nothing. They had no money and paid for everything from their meager profits from their bike shop. They had a team where no one, including themselves, had any college education. They didn’t have the New York Times following them around. In comparison to Samuel, they should have failed, but they didn’t.
Orville and Wilbur knew why they were doing it. They believed, and so did everyone on their team, that man could fly and that once a flying machine was built it would change the course of the world. They worked from a spot of inspiration. They believed inside themselves that they could do it and were passionate about it. Samuel was only doing it because he wanted the fame and the money it would bring (remember motivation comes from outside things). His team did it because they were paid to do it. They didn’t truly understand why, they just knew they needed to.
The day that Orville and Wilbur took flight, Samuel quit. He thought that since they already had figured it out, he had lost his opportunity.
For us, this means we need to know why we do what we do and believe in that why. If the purpose behind something is not in line with who we are, then it is most likely not worth pursuing and we most likely will never reach the goal or end all result.
This also applies to any leadership position we may hold. If we know our why and believe in it, we can help those we lead to know their why. They will be inspired, do their best, and often do more than is asked because they believe in the mission.
- What are you passionate about? What things in your life are driven by this passion? 2. Is what you are doing now making you want to do more?
- What is your purpose behind what you do? Are your values in line with the purpose? 4. Are you inspired by what you do and do you help those you lead to know what the mission is?
Inspiring vs. Requiring: Inspire Our Clients by Being the Best Coach
As a coach, we can inspire our clients to live their lives to the fullest and to be inspired to do so. Here are some ways you can do so:
- Be inspired ourselves – We can do this by first being inspired in our work as a coach. The client will pick up on your enthusiasm and your passion for what you do.
- Create trust – Another way is to create a safe ethical environment where you can inspire trust. As the coach trusts you and the space you give them, they will be more likely to want to share what inspires and gives them passion.
- Listen – We talk about this all the time as coaches. As we actively listen, we will help our clients by knowing what questions to ask and we can observe when their voice is sad or happy and can give them observations. This may help them to see what in their lives they are feeling required to do and what in their lives they are feeling inspired to do.
- Help clients create goals – Most clients want to create goals and plans. We can help them by asking questions that help them to evaluate if the goals and plans are in line with their values, passions, and what inspires them.
- Don’t “require” – As a coach, we are not there to require anything from the coach. We should not make them feel bad if they don’t reach a goal. We should not ask leading questions that make them feel as if they have to answer something in a direction that they don’t want to go. We should not require them to use tools or take our advice.
- Ask open questions – We can ask open questions about what inspires them, what is important to them, what keeps them from accomplishing things, and what their beliefs are, among other such related questions.
- Let the clients choose and lead – As we let the client lead the session, choose what they want to talk about, and choose what actions they want to take, they will be more inspired because they chose it.
- Offer your help – As a coach, we can sometimes be a support. Asking the client what we can do to support them can go a long way in helping them to know we care and are interested in their success.
- Acknowledge what they do – As a coach, we can acknowledge and make observations when the client accomplishes things.
As a coach, we can inspire our clients by being the best coach we can be and by applying the above-mentioned things.
The level of work and excellence they’ll achieve when they do freely pursue something is worth not feeling the need to push, push, push. Oliver DeMille
- Are you as a coach inspired? What can you do to be more inspired?
- Are you actively listening and making acknowledgments and observations? What can you do to be better at this?
- What open-ended questions can you ask to help the client explore their inspirations?
References
[Video] How Great Leaders Inspire Action
[Article] It’s Not Enough to Manage; You Must Inspire
[Article] Inspiration vs. Motivation
[Article] Inspired vs. Required