A Coaching Power Tool By Ulrike Heine, Expat and Mid-Life Coach, GERMANY
The Hat vs. Head Power Tool
The world wants to assign you a role in life. And once you accept that role you are doomed. Robert Greene
Embracing the role doesn’t have to seal your fate, it’s more like a costume you wear for different acts in life’s grand theatre. The danger arises when we mistake these roles for our essence, blurring the line between who we truly are and the characters we portray. Roles-be it as a partner, a sibling, or a parent- are assigned by society, each laden with expectations. The allure of admiration tied to these roles often draws us in, blinding us to our authentic selves
The ‘’hat’’ symbolizes the diverse diverse roles we inhabit, shaped by societal pressures and reinforced by those around us. Conversely, the “head” represents our genuine core—the unadulterated essence, untouched by external demands.
Donald Winnicott’s concept of the true self echoes this sentiment—a harmonious, uncontrived existence, pulsating with authenticity and vitality.
Shifting perspectives unveils the artifice of roles; it’s a revelation that liberates, revealing the hats we wear and the roles we play. Recognizing this distinction can lead us back to our true selves—the ‘head’ amidst a sea of interchangeable ‘hats.’
Diverse roles we inhabit, are shaped by societal pressures and reinforced by those around us. Conversely, the “head” represents our genuine core—the unadulterated essence, untouched by external demands.
Donald Winnicott’s concept of the true self echoes this sentiment—a harmonious, uncontrived existence, pulsating with authenticity and vitality.
Shifting perspectives unveils the artifice of roles; it’s a revelation that liberates, revealing the hats we wear and the roles we play. Recognizing this distinction can lead us back to our true selves—the ‘head’ amidst a sea of interchangeable ‘hats.’
Hat vs. Head Definition
HATS
‘Hats’ in this power tool are the diverse social roles we play.
27 Examples of Social Roles
Every role is a vital thread in society’s rich tapestry, contributing its unique hue and texture to the grand design!
- Leader: These individuals aren’t just guides; they craft vision, inspire action, and mold futures. Their decisions ripple through society, shaping collective destinies and driving progress.
- Follower: Often overlooked but pivotal, they fortify leaders, channeling collective efforts toward shared objectives. Their support bolsters and amplifies the impact of leadership.
- Parent: Beyond caregiving, they shape the next generation, transcending traditional gender roles, instilling values, and preparing resilient individuals for a changing world.
- Student: These aspirants are society’s architects-in-training, imbibing knowledge and skills, poised to become the innovators and trailblazers of tomorrow.
- Children: They’re sponges, absorbing societal norms, nurtured within safe spaces to grow, learn, and eventually shape the world they inherit.
- Spouse: Partners in life’s journey, their roles extend beyond emotion; they create stable units vital for the societal fabric, and their support bolsters social stability.
- Grandparents: Beyond family lore, they’re custodians of wisdom, offering guidance and contributing invaluable experiences to familial legacy.
- Church Member: Their devotion and learning not only nurture personal spirituality but also foster communal cohesion and cultural continuity.
- Volunteer: Unsung heroes bridging societal gaps, their selfless acts bolster communities, providing essential aid during crises, often becoming the glue that holds society together.
- Friend: Beyond companionship, they’re the backbone, offering solace, understanding, and shared experiences, vital for personal growth and societal bonds.
- Elected Official: Entrusted with the collective voice, their decisions shape laws and policies, steering communities toward progress.
- Server: More than just service, their positive interactions shape societal hospitality standards, fostering harmonious customer relationships.
- Teacher: The guardians of knowledge, sculpting not just minds but societal values, shaping critical thinking within safe educational spaces.
- Doctor: Custodians of health, bolster societal well-being, contributing to longer, healthier lives and a stronger societal framework.
- Authority Figure: These decision-makers are the guardians of law and order, ensuring societal equilibrium and justice across diverse realms.
- Elders: Beyond age, they’re beacons of wisdom, offering guidance and leadership, anchoring communities in traditions and experiences.
- Judge: Tasked with fairness, their decisions uphold societal equity and contribute to preserving justice and order.
- Dissident/Anti-establishmentarian: Catalysts for change, challenging stagnant political systems, their voices are vital in shaping societal evolution.
- Rebel: Disruptors challenge norms, they propel societal growth by questioning and breaking through conventional barriers.
- Historian: Guardians of narratives, they ensure lessons from the past aren’t lost, guiding society towards an informed future.
- Journalists: Beyond reporting, they’re gatekeepers of truth, providing insight and shaping public perception.
- Ally: Voices of compassion, standing for those in need, they foster empathy and drive societal inclusivity.
- Artist: Cultural architects, shape societal narratives, challenging perceptions and entertaining while evoking thought.
- Comedians: Beyond laughter, they’re social critics, challenging societal norms through humor, and provoking introspection.
- Employees: Beyond roles, they’re cogs in the societal wheel, driving productivity and contributing to economic stability.
- Employers: Visionaries identify societal needs, and foster employment opportunities and economic growth.
- Protesters: Catalysts for societal evolution, they challenge norms, inciting progressive changes and sparking crucial dialogues.
Each role intricately weaves into the fabric of society, offering unique contributions and navigating their distinct challenges!
HEADS
What I call ‘head’ in this power tool is your true self.
The true self, as Donald Winnicott used denotes a spontaneous authentic experience and a feeling of being alive, having a real self with little to no contradiction.
Liberation from wearing the wrong ”hat” and connecting with your ”head” happens when you realize you are not expressing your personality, instead, you are just fulfilling external expectations.
Hat vs. Head: Guiding Clients to Explore the Alignment Between Their Roles, Expectations, and Core Values.
In coaching sessions, clients often confront the challenge of aligning their roles with their core values and authentic selves, a conflict they might not readily recognize.
Shifting perspective towards core values can bring profound clarity to the client’s understanding. Yet, identifying these values isn’t always straightforward. Utilizing a curated list of values during discovery sessions can aid reflection, offering diverse options for consideration.
- Supporting Role Identification: Assisting clients in recognizing their roles, or ‘hats,’ within a specific challenge:
- What role defines your approach to this challenge?
- Does this role truly benefit you?
- Does it resonate with your purpose?
- Who serves as your role model in this context?
- Raising Expectation Awareness: Creating consciousness around role-based expectations:
- What expectations do you believe exist within this role?
- What expectations do you personally hold for this role?
- How do these expectations serve or hinder you?
- Can you trace how these expectations influence your reactions?
- Perspective Shift: Encouraging a shift in perspective towards authenticity:
- How might your reactions differ without the lens of this role?
- Is there room to alter or redefine this role for your benefit?
- Who would you become if you embodied your true self?
- How would your responses change if you detached from this role’s constraints?
These inquiries prompt introspection, guiding clients to explore the alignment between their roles, expectations, and core values. It’s a journey of self-discovery, nudging them towards authenticity and congruence between their societal roles and their genuine selves.
Hat vs. Head: Exploring Diverse Viewpoints
Defining your role and balancing expectations is a continuous circle, especially in a world of overpowering demands.
The people you love deserve you at your best, in balance with the ‘hat’ you are wearing and your true self, your ”head”.
In this tool, the “head” symbolizes the essence of authenticity—your true self, a notion reminiscent of Donald Winnicott’s depiction of an unguarded, vibrant essence devoid of inner conflicts. The core of this approach hinges on discarding ill-suited “hats” that obscure your genuine self, recognizing that adhering solely to external expectations stifles authentic expression and hampers personal evolution.
During coaching sessions, clients often grapple with reconciling their roles with their core values, they’re wrestling with the internal conflict between the expectations placed upon them by their various societal, familial, or professional roles and the fundamental beliefs and principles they hold dear—their core values. A shift in perspective serves as a beacon, casting light on this divergence and fostering a deeper comprehension. Assisting clients in unearthing their roles and associated expectations triggers introspection. Exploring diverse viewpoints unveils the authentic self that transcends societal norms. Through a series of thoughtful inquiries, clients navigate the intricacies of roles, expectations, and perceptions, ultimately rediscovering their authentic identity. This transformative journey empowers them to make choices aligned with their genuine self, fostering resilience and personal fulfillment.
The process involves a strategic and reflective approach. By guiding clients through probing questions and exercises that unearth their core values and the impact of societal expectations, they embark on a journey toward authenticity. This journey isn’t merely about shedding roles; it’s about reconnecting with one’s essence, allowing for genuine responses and actions that resonate with personal truth and fulfillment.
At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person. Anonymous
References
Suzanne Smith, ‘Crazy Blond Life’
Donald Winnicott ‘Thoughtful World’
Chris Dew (PhD) ‘27 Social Roles’