A Research Paper By Heather Madden, Mindset Coach, UNITED KINGDOM
Finding Balance and Navigating Life’s Journey
I completed my PhD in 2018, after 5 years of research, publishing a number of research papers and a 60,000-word thesis. Everyone said at the time, to make sure you keep writing and publishing. The truth was that I felt a bit lost, I had moved from academia to corporate life and my academic writing felt stiff and poker-like. I guess my identity was shifting, I was changing and growing and had changed trajectory slightly, moved to a new country too. I felt stuck with my writing. As part of my ICA journey and personal development, I’ve realized that, for me, writing is a creative expression. I discovered this over many peer coaching sessions. I had cut off my creative outlet and felt no clear way to express my thoughts in public. Everyone else had more interesting things to say and sounded way more eloquent. I had lost my confidence. As part of this journey, I have started writing again. I’ve created my own blog called The Balance Box; thoughts, musings, tools, and reflections on navigating life’s busy path.
For my research paper, I have published 3 recent blog posts on finding balance and navigating life’s journey.
Blog 1: Maintaining balance: finding our ‘honey flow’
I love watching kids on a balance bike, moving along, tipping from left to right to find those moments of complete glide and balance. Life is a bit like that, in fact, Albert Einstein once said:
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
The Balance Box
Balance = achieving a balance of pleasant and unpleasant feelings, at least most of the time, so that we can have positive mental well-being. In fact, Dr. Maureen Gaffney in her book Flourishing talks about a least flourishing ratio of 3:1 of positive to negative thoughts to be happy.
The imbalance creates tension, judgment, anxiety, unease, and unhappiness.
Finding balance and more specifically spiritual balance connects us to our inner being; our true essence. Courageous radical acceptance of self and others allows us to better respond to life’s challenges. For me, spiritual balance requires practicing one or some of the following on a daily basis:
- Mindfulness and presence
- Self-compassion: fostering empathy and kindness for ourselves and others
- Maintaining well-being: yoga, dance, sports, reading, baths, eating healthy, meditation, knitting, gardening, etc.
- Practicing gratitude and appreciating the good things in our lives
- Connecting to our values and beliefs to achieve personal growth
- Living a more meaningful life with greater fulfillment, purpose, and connection.
- Connecting with others on a deeper level
- Spending time in nature
- Creative or reflective writing
It’s not one thing, it’s many elements and layers that come together to nurture the inner self. The layers need care, compassion, and tenderness with self. This allows us to take external action in a healthy way. Taking external action without tending to our inner self can lead to losing touch with our own essence, and our creative spiritual selves.
Balance is the dance between leaning in and letting go. It involves receiving and seeking, responding and not reacting. We seek it through working and playing, having fun and finding purpose, planning ahead, and being in the moment.
Imagine bees buzzing amidst a blooming heather field, nature’s sweet symphony. That’s the ‘honey flow,’ a time of plenty and effortless creation. If the ‘Heather’ is flowering well, we get glorious dark syrupy honey from the bees. I like this idea of finding balance by embracing both the “honey flow” periods and the quieter seasons of life. A bit like gliding along on one’s balance bike!
What is The Balance Box?
- a creative and spiritual self-expression
- an online resource of thoughts, musings, tools, and reflections on navigating life’s busy path
- a physical box, toolkit, and sanctuary to re-balance when life gives you lemons (mid-fidelity prototype)
Blog 2: Soften the rigid lines of expectation and achievement
The French doors in my house open into a garden courtyard. The right door is used the most. The left door is stiff and creaky. Rarely used, it groans open for cleaning days or joyous gatherings.
The right door echoes the confidence of seasoned skills and practiced knowledge. It’s that comfortable and familiar place. Unfortunately, it also represents the standards, expectations, and achievements that I set for myself. It comes with a strong dash of perfectionism, and it’s missing something…..ah, that’s it, softness and self-compassion.
The right door is the “doing” me and the left door feels like the “being” me. My auto-pilot way is “doing”, task-based, to-do lists, creating, and achieving. Too often we associate our value with “doing”.
The left door demands a good push to open, and a little WD40 to loosen the hinges. It is the part of me that has taken a bit of loosening up; plenty of self-care, rest, creativity, and inner growth.
Both “doing” and “being” are important and healthy parts of living. Ideally, we find a balance between them, knowing when to be active and productive and when to be present and receptive.
As individuals, we embody a spectrum of energies regardless of our gender. Our lives and workplaces should value and encourage a diverse range of energies. That’s not always the case. “Doing” is valued more in our achievement-oriented culture. Society and many workplaces expect us to be more assertive, confident, and competitive. Perfection pressures us to abandon softness, authenticity, vulnerability, and open hearts. The key lies in balance. Grace and acceptance over chasing goals or striving for mastery and growth.
- What do you need to loosen your left door?
- What do you need to restore, preserve, and enhance your being?
- Can we carry many possibilities in our minds at once?
- How might we weave old stories, complexities, and mindsets with new ones?
- How can we navigate the future we want to see, in ourselves?
- How do we create better organizations we work in or communities we volunteer in?
Lots of questions to reflect on! Enjoy the climb, not just the summit.
Balance Affirmation: Right now I’m slowing down to be present. This is a journey, not a destination. I am pausing for a deep inhale and a slow exhale.
The movement to re-balance: Put your phone down, but before you do, find your favorite dance tune, turn it up loud, and dance around the room.
Journaling prompt: How can I be more present today? Where can I “be” and not “do”?
Blog 3: Communicate with Love
Is communication your secret weapon at work, or your biggest weakness?
Have you ever been stuck in an endless email chain with no end in sight? Are your chat messages necessary and useful or annoying and distracting? What if you brought more awareness to this? Notice how you communicate and how others communicate with you. Maybe it needs some love and attention, maybe it doesn’t.
How we communicate with others is a reflection of how we communicate with ourselves.
Let’s start there!
Taking note of your self-talk is an interesting exercise. Sometimes I berate myself for not getting something finished. Burdened by guilt for not being focused enough or creative enough. Struggling with not being fast enough or clear enough, in my thoughts and in my words.
The truth is that sometimes my brain gets tired. I may have had a productive day previously that definitely makes up for it. I’m being hard on myself and not showing myself enough compassion or love.
If we change the stories, we can change our inner dialogue. Treating our inner selves with kindness spills over, enriching our interactions with others. Oprah writes about treating ourselves well as the first step to real fulfillment.
If we start practicing some small self-love changes, how can we take that into our workplace?
The first step is noticing what your work love language looks and sounds like. I’ve been paying attention to workplace communication on recent work projects. I noticed some things that I’d like to share. These feel like some simple things we are all mastering but don’t pay attention to them.
- Spreading positivity in the lift/hall/stairwell with a friendly smile, eye contact, and a cheerful greeting.
- Asking how everyone is doing – check-ins are so important.
- Giving someone a high-five, pat on the back, fist bump, a warm handshake, jazz hands clapping. What about a warm handshake – has this practice become contentious post-covid?
- Making a cup of tea or coffee is a lovely gesture.
- Sending a chat message to acknowledge something unique that someone did or said in a meeting.
- Asking if anyone needs help with anything, rather than pretending we are always busy all the time.
- Offering a skill to your workplace. In the past, I offered “Breathe and Reflect” sessions for the design team at Justice Digital. It was a virtual space for people to do some breathing exercises and reflective writing.
- Are you a “feeder”, the cake person? Your love language might be baking and bringing in goodies for your colleagues.
- Sending a gift or a card or even better, a letter to a colleague.
- Make time for your work colleagues to find out about the person behind the role.
- Sharing memes, gifs, or work-appropriate jokes!
Are these all acts of kindness or ways of expressing love? It’s both. We don’t always think of the term “love” outside of our relationships, family, and friendships. Why not! Love is more inclusive than romantic feelings. It is “A deep caring for the existence of another”.
Contrary to this, we all do things that are not loving. Every time you send a lengthy email, someone on the other end has to read it! Is it necessary? There is a better way to communicate the thing. Foster conscious, concise communication: Think before sending. Design for better impact. What about voice notes; it’s a love/hate thing. It’s always worth asking your colleagues how they like to receive communication. Cassie Robinson’s User Manual for Me is popular in many teams that I’ve worked with.
In the coming days and weeks, take note – what are the ways you communicate with people in your work environment? What is your workplace love language?
- How do you and your colleagues acknowledge each other’s work?
- How does your organisation reward being overdoing?
- How do you thank someone who’s done a great job or helped you out with something?
- How do you serve others; offers of help or support?
- Are you present when your colleague needs a minor whinge? What if they need to express how they are feeling? Do you tune in or brush it off?
- What about when your inbox is having a quieter period? Do you help out a colleague who feels overloaded?