A Coaching Power Tool By Hannah Montero, Life & Business Coach, BELIZE
Exploring the Dynamics of Victim vs. Owner
When our lives are negatively impacted, we look for external factors or people to blame, and often clients bring challenges to a coaching call where they are blaming someone else for what is occurring in their lives. To better understand what a victim means, the Cambridge Dictionary defines the word victim as, “someone or something that has been hurt, damaged, or killed or has suffered, either because of the actions of someone or something else or because of illness or chance”. The victim mindset encapsulates a sense of helplessness and external locus of control. Individuals in this mindset attribute their hardships solely to external circumstances, relinquishing their power to influence change and development. And, according to Cambridge Dictionary, the definition of an owner is, “someone who owns something.” The owner mindset encapsulates the essence of empowerment, agency, and proactive engagement. Those who embrace this mindset perceive themselves as designers of their destinies, actively taking responsibility for their choices and actions. This perspective propels individuals to transform adversity into growth, challenges into learning opportunities, and setbacks into stepping stones toward success.
While these mindsets are often considered within the context of personal development and coaching, their implications resonate far beyond the individual sphere. A society with an owner mindset becomes a crucible of innovation, collaboration, and progress, where citizens actively contribute to community well-being and societal advancement. Conversely, a society intertwined in a victim mindset may perpetuate cycles of blame, apathy, and stagnation, inhibiting the potential for growth and positive change.
The Difference Between Victim vs. Owner
Victim Mindset
When victims experience challenging situations in their lives, it is easier to blame someone else for the pain, hurt, or fear that they experience. Instead of looking within to ask themselves, what did I do for this to occur, they begin looking outside of themselves for validation of what made this occur. A victim mindset is characterized by a perception of helplessness and an external locus of control. Individuals adopting this mindset see themselves as victims of circumstances, blaming external factors for their struggles and setbacks. People who are victims are not willing to look at life differently, they are stuck in their ways of being and thinking. Since they don’t take responsibility for anything in their lives, they always find someone to blame. They often use disempowering language such as “I can’t,” “I have to,” or “If only”, etc. This perspective hampers progress, stifles creativity, and impedes problem-solving.
When you are in a coaching session, here are some ways in which you can identify someone who is in a victim mindset:
- “I can’t pursue my dream career because the job market is so competitive, and I don’t have the right connections.”
In this sentence, the individual attributes their inability to pursue their dream career solely to external factors (job market and connections) and doesn’t acknowledge their role in taking proactive steps to improve their situation.
- “I have to work long hours because my boss is always piling on more tasks, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
This sentence conveys a sense of powerlessness, as the person believes their boss’s actions are the sole determinant of their work hours, without considering alternative ways to communicate or manage their workload.
- “I’m always the one who gets taken advantage of because I’m too nice, and people just know I won’t say no.”
This sentence showcases a belief in being a victim of others’ actions, without considering the possibility.
- “I’m stuck in this unfulfilling relationship because I can’t find anyone better who would want to be with me.”
This sentence reflects a victim mindset by suggesting that external circumstances are preventing the person from leaving an unfulfilling relationship, without considering their own agency in making choices for their well-being.
These sentences illustrate how a victim mindset can manifest in various aspects of life, often attributing challenges solely to external factors while downplaying personal responsibility.
Owner Mindset
Being an owner in your life is taking responsibility for all the actions and inaction that you take in your life. You allow yourself to experience all the different types of emotions and you own that you have the power to control the way you experience these emotions.
When you think of being an owner in your life, you can imagine being in the driver’s seat of the car because you get to take control of what is occurring. You get to decide whether you take a right turn, a left turn, or if you continue going in a straight line.
Those with an owner mindset view challenges as opportunities for growth and change. They take ownership of their choices, actions, and outcomes, using empowering language like “I choose,” “I will,” and “I can.” This perspective fuels resilience, innovation, and proactive problem-solving.
Once we begin to deeply understand how our own actions affect the outcomes of any given situation in our lives, we will begin to live a more peaceful and happier life. Below are ways that demonstrate owner mindset language in their lives.
- “I’m actively networking and improving my skills to create opportunities in my dream career, regardless of how competitive the job market is.”
- This sentence demonstrates an owner mindset by emphasizing proactive steps taken by the individual to enhance their chances of success, despite external challenges.
- I’m learning to assert myself and set boundaries, ensuring that I’m treated with respect and not taken advantage of.”
- Here, the individual takes ownership of their interactions by prioritizing self-respect and advocating for their needs.
- “I’m making time for my hobbies and interests because I recognize the importance of self-care and pursuing activities that bring me joy.”
- In this sentence, the individual prioritizes their own needs and well-being by actively engaging in activities they enjoy.
These sentences exemplify an owner mindset by highlighting proactive decision-making, personal responsibility, and a focus on growth and self-improvement in various aspects of life.
Using Victim vs. Owner Power Tool
The Victim vs. Owner Power Tool can be very helpful in coaching sessions to allow the client to have a shift in perspective as to how they are relating to the issue. Oftentimes, how we relate to the issue, is the issue. It is helpful to have the clients see what is occurring in their lives by exploring this deeper. This is a powerful coaching tool that addresses the two contrasting ways individuals perceive and respond to challenges. In coaching, understanding and shifting between these mindsets can significantly impact personal growth and goal attainment.
When having a coaching session, here are some questions to help the client become aware that they are in a victim mindset and allow them to shift to an empowering space of the owner mindset.
- Helping the client become aware of what is occurring:
- Can you help me understand more about the challenges you’re facing?
- How do you perceive your role in the situation you’re describing?
- Language and Perception:
- I’ve noticed you’re using phrases like “I can’t,” “I have to,” or “If only.” What do these statements reflect about your perspective?
- How might shifting your language to a more empowering one change your perspective?
- Can you think of alternative ways to express the challenges you’re facing that might be more aligned with your potential to influence outcomes?
- Perception of Control:
- What aspects of this situation do you feel you have control over? What aspects are beyond your control?
- How might focusing on the elements you can control shift your approach?
- Can you identify any opportunities for growth or learning within this challenge?
- Resourcefulness:
- What strengths, skills, or resources do you possess that could potentially help you navigate this situation?
- If you were to imagine someone you admire in a similar situation, how do you think they might approach it differently?
- Future-Oriented:
- Envision a positive outcome for this situation. What actions or changes could you initiate to move toward that outcome?
- If you were to see this challenge as an opportunity, what would you do differently?
- How would your future self, who has overcome this challenge, advise you right now?
These coaching questions are designed to help individuals recognize and address victim language, fostering a shift toward an empowered and proactive perspective.
The Victim vs. Owner Power Tool empowers clients to recognize their mindset, enabling them to transform challenges toward success. By fostering an owner mindset, coaches guide clients to harness their innate potential, make intentional choices, and create the life they desire. This tool also plays a pivotal role in shaping societal progress. Cultivating an owner mindset empowers communities to take charge of their collective destiny, fostering collaboration, innovation, and resilience. Recognizing the impact of a victim mindset prompts reflection on how systemic challenges can be addressed, and it invites a collective shift toward empowerment and meaningful change. In the broader context of society, embracing an owner mindset creates a foundation for shared prosperity and a more inclusive, forward-thinking future.
As coaches, our role extends beyond facilitation; it encompasses the art of fostering self-discovery, challenging limiting beliefs, and igniting the spark of ownership within our clients. In conclusion, the journey from victim to owner is a profound metamorphosis—one that requires courage, introspection, and the skilled guidance of a coach. The power tool explored in this serves as a compass for both coaches and coachees, navigating the complexities of mindset and steering towards a destination of empowerment.
As coaching continues to evolve, the “Victim vs. Owner” power tool remains a timeless ally, offering a roadmap for navigating the terrain of self-limiting beliefs and unlocking the reservoirs of personal power. Through this exploration, we affirm the transformative potential inherent in choosing ownership—a choice that not only shapes the individual’s destiny but also ripples through the fabric of the coaching relationship, creating waves of empowerment that resonate far beyond the coaching session.
References
Cambridge Dictionary. (2022, July 14). owner. @CambridgeWords.
Cambridge Dictionary. (2019, November 13). VICTIM | meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary. Cambridge.org.