A Coaching Power Tool By Natasa Matsitelli, Life & Transition Coach, SWITZERLAND
The Lack vs. Completeness Power Tool
You are the creator of your reality, and life can show up no other way than the way in which you think it will. Neale Donald Walsch
Through life interactions and coaching, I have realized a theme that shows up in many people’s lives is the perspective of lack. Looking at the world with an emphasis on what we don’t have rather than what we do have seems hardwired in many individuals’ minds, affecting their perspective of self, the world, and future possibilities. This theme is cultivated throughout our upbringing and fostered in our culture, education, and family values.
Realizing that we are nothing less than complete, a wonderful, imperfect whole opens possibilities we may never have considered. It allows us to step out of the limited view of self to embrace a grander idea of self and life.
Lack vs. Completeness is a power tool created to help clients alter the filters through which they view life and self, potentially allowing them to move from the perspective of “not enough” to “being just enough,” thus moving them to a more empowered, fulfilling way of being.
Lack vs. Completeness Definition
What Is Lack?
The word lack means to be deficient or missing or to be short of or have a need for something.
The feeling of lack is a common theme in many people’s lives. It can manifest as a sense of not having enough, not being enough, or not doing enough. It is expressed as something missing from within that must be acquired, developed, conquered, or achieved or as something in shortage from the outside world that one must prove to deserve to have.
Lack is felt as being incomplete, inadequate, and insufficient. It makes one feel unhappy, stuck, insecure, anxious, and dissatisfied.
It externalizes as a need always to do, improve, and become. The positive side of feeling lack is that it can motivate you to act and work towards what you want. On the other hand, when lack is the perspective we view our life, it can keep us stuck in constant agony and striving for becoming.
Lack is a mental construct that limits the self to an endless pursuit, a constant need to strive for more, for better. Through this perspective, the individual constantly seeks to fill what is missing to “be” (to be successful, accomplished, energized, motivated, and happy), continually setting new targets to achieve. But once reaching a target/an end goal, the next goal is set, only to discover that the ultimate state of being happy, content, fulfilled, and complete in life still needs to be met.
Eckhart Tolle argues that the ego is always dissatisfied and seeks more of what it thinks it needs or wants but never finds lasting fulfillment or peace.
Possible limitations for the clients:
- Focusing on what they don’t have rather than what they have.
- Compare themselves to others and feel inferior or resentful.
- Worrying about the future and expecting the worst.
- Feeling behind and inadequate.
- Settling for less than what they deserve or want.
- Self-sabotage their success or happiness.
- Having a hard time saying no or setting boundaries.
- Setting aside personal priorities and values.
- Having low self-esteem.
- Impacting connections and relationships.
What Is Completeness?
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, Completeness is the quality of being whole or perfect and having nothing missing.
Viewing life through the perspective of Completeness means recognizing that life is a holistic experience and that all aspects of our being are interconnected and interdependent, feeding the bigger picture of our essence. Each part doesn’t need to be perfect for us to become or be complete. Instead, all aspects of being put together create the unique, complete masterpiece that is us.
When we feel complete and whole, we experience a sense of inner peace, fulfillment, and contentment. We feel connected to ourselves and the people around us. We are more present, mindful, and aware of ourselves and others. We are more open, curious, and creative. We are more confident, resilient, and optimistic. We navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and determination. We feel grateful for what we have and show a greater capacity to give and receive love.
Completeness is not about achieving a specific goal. Instead, it’s a perspective that provides a new filter for seeing ourselves and the world around us.
Completeness is not finite; it has no strict definition and complies with no norm; it abides by no rules, but instead, it is a self-defined expression of who we are.
Completeness is no destination to reach. Instead, it is a perceived reality where everything is attuned and aligned with oneself. It constantly evolves and develops, allowing for unlimited expressions of our true selves.
Possible benefits of feeling complete
- See the big picture rather than the small parts of one’s life.
- Feeling internal alignment and attunement with body and heart
- Recognizing the good things in one’s life.
- Accepting all aspects of self as valuable to the whole.
- Feeling supported and protected.
- Feeling connected with people in our life.
- Being open to numerous opportunities and possibilities.
- Experiencing life as a joyous expression of being.
Shifting from Lack to Completeness
When we perceive our lives with the perspective of lack, we tend to view every aspect, every part of ourselves, and all our roles as separate pieces that we must perfect before we can feel complete. Only by completing each piece can we hope to have a more integrated and holistic approach to our lives. Through this process, we focus all our attention on the missing parts. All our actions and energy focus on what seems necessary to complete each missing element, each role, and each flaw based on the external definitions we have accepted as meaningful.
But what if we look at our lives as the creation of a unique mosaic art? The assembling of small, colorful pieces of material with unique shape forms that individually appear broken but, when combined, can create something immensely beautiful.
What if we treat each piece of self as unique and complete in its imperfection? Wonderful tweaks of essence that amplify the uniqueness of us being ourselves. Each piece is a significant part of a grander, inspiring, colorful masterpiece—a unique expression of ourselves and our lives.
We are mosaics. Pieces of light, love, history, stars… Glued together with magic and music and words.― Anita Krizzan.
Viewing life through the perspective of Completeness requires us to zoom out of the limited view of what is missing and become aware of the bigger picture of who we are and what is available in our lives.
It is a journey of self-awakening and self-discovery that requires patience, courage, and an open mind. Cultivating mindfulness, creating deep awareness of habits, patterns, and beliefs that are not serving us, accepting all parts of oneself, including strengths and weaknesses, as part of our uniqueness, identifying core values and what is important to us in navigating life’s challenges can help attain the perspective of Completeness.
Lack vs. Completeness Approaches and Strategies
As coaches, we can support our clients by creating a safe space for reflection. Invite the client to note all aspects of life where lack shows up and identify patterns or underlying beliefs. By asking powerful questions, we can help our clients recognize their current perspectives and support them in making a conscious choice to shift. Creating deeper awareness can open the door to connecting to the whole of the person.
Questions like:
- How has lack shown up in your life up to now?
- What other areas of life do you approach with the perspective of lack?
- How has it served you to use this perspective?
- What fears, emotions, and thoughts are hiding behind lack?
- What expectations are attached to this perspective?
- If you eliminated external expectations, what would be different for you?
- If you see yourself as a magnificent complete piece of art, what does the bigger picture of you look like?
- How does it feel to look at life/yourself as complete?
- What values are you aligning with having the perspective of completeness?
Strategies to Help Shift Our Perspective from Lack to Completeness
Connecting to Our Values
In many cases, understanding our values helps us view the bigger picture of who we are and creates a broader understanding of how we approach our circumstances. Identifying how our actions/ reactions relate to our values gives us a different perspective. It connects the dots to who we truly are, allowing for a more empowered state of being.
- A client came to the session wanting to address the lack of emotional control she was experiencing with her line manager. She had a complicated relationship in which she often was triggered and felt she could not control her emotions and reactions. Despite what friends or people close to her were suggesting, i.e., not to react, not to complain, not to address the repeated mistreatment, to avoid losing her job, after deep reflection, she addressed the issue with the manager higher in the hierarchy. Realizing that her reaction was aligned with her core value of integrity and of speaking her truth helped her connect to the Completeness of self and shift her perspective from lacking emotional control to honoring self and her core values.
- Client X came to a session feeling a lack of motivation to engage in her studies. Although she had signed up with excitement, she couldn’t figure out how to begin the required tasks to start the learning process. As she slowly articulated her thoughts and answered the coach’s questions, she realized that the value of connecting to people was a key motivator for her to engage in this learning process. She recognized having lost sight of this core value of hers. Understanding this allowed her to see the bigger perspective, reconnect to what motivated her, and, from this space, define a clear plan to re-engage in the learning process.
In all the above cases, connecting to core values and what is meaningful to the person created a more empowered state where the focus shifted from the fragmented self and missing pieces to the bigger picture of their mosaic.
Visualizing Future Self by Removing Limitations
Visualization is a powerful technique that can help envision a desired outcome, future, or way of being. In moments when the client is feeling overwhelmed and stressed, and many scattered thoughts and emotions are experienced, it is difficult to find clarity and direction. Visualization has proven to be a very effective strategy to remove limitations and obstacles and unveil deeper truths and understandings.
- Client F came into the session overwhelmed with emotions and a sense of lacking fulfillment and purpose in her current job. She could not accept that her life would be like this: overworked, overstressed, with no life balance. The profound question for her was, “What is next?”
By asking her to imagine her life and how it would have changed in two years, she moved her focus away from things that were not working now and allowed her to connect to the energy of the future she held deep inside. Understanding that her core values were not aligned with those of her current employer opened her mind to what she needed to address moving ahead. From this space, having acknowledged her core values, she could envision a greater future and hold this vision as a guiding star—shifting her perspective from lacking direction and purpose to a complete picture of the life she wanted to live.
Mindfulness/Self-Care
Practicing mindfulness through meditation, journaling, reading, exercising, or breathwork can help reinforce a connection to the present moment and one’s inner self. As part of an action plan, it can be helpful to assist the client in identifying the practices that will allow them to stay connected with themselves.
Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful way to connect ourselves to a more meaningful life. When we take time to appreciate the good about our life circumstances or ourselves, we consciously shift our focus to positive, more elevated emotions. By looking at life through the lens of gratitude, we leave little room for feelings of lack or incompleteness. Helping clients establish a daily gratitude practice can be an effective tool to help them stay connected to the bigger picture of their lives.
Lack vs. Completeness as a Coach
As a coach, when starting a professional career, the perspective of lack may show up in various ways, such as a lack of confidence in your coaching style or approach to bring the desired results for your client. Being mindful of those moments is paramount.
Determine practices to address these thoughts/perspectives of lack after sessions:
- Keeping post-session reflections.
- Sharing your experience with a mentor coach or a supervisor.
- Engaging in a self-care routine to renew energy and connect to yourself after a session.
It is crucial to remind yourself that as a new coach, even though there may be things you need to develop, you are complete in your unique way. Your life experiences, professional expertise, personal values, and commitment to creating an impact on your clients are what you bring to the table.
References
Do you ever feel like you’re not enough? | (ted.com)
Ever say, “I’ll be happy when …?” Here’s why you need to stop doing that — now | (ted.com)
COMPLETENESS | English meaning – Cambridge Dictionary
Lack Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster
Scarcity Mindset: Causes and How To Overcome It – Cleveland Clinic
Feel Complete | Psychology Today
Letting Go OfLack-Based Thinking | Calm Down Mind
Life Is a Mosaic Itself! Top 10 Mosaic Quotes of All Time (mozaico.com)
https://creativeartsstudios.com/mosaic-art-beauty-from-brokenness/