A Coaching Power Tool By Morwenna Stewart, Neurodiversity and Writing Coach, UNITED KINGDOM
The Broken vs. Brilliant Power Tool
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. Carl Rogers
Key Message
With specialist, neurodivergent-affirming, strengths-based coaching tools, neurodivergent clients can journey from Broken to Brilliant.
Many neurodivergent[1](ND) clients have trauma and low self-esteem, from being misunderstood[2]and stigmatised. As Prof. Nancy Doyle says, strengths-based approaches are not a ‘Pollyanna’[1]concept where we ignore the difficulties for disabled people. Instead, they are a reframe-and-reclaim tool to help clients find strengths and use them creatively to offset difficulties.
Neurodiversity paradigm
Judy Singer coined the term neurodiversity[3]to explain that all brains are different and that this benefits the world. This reframing has been part of a global neurodiversity movement that is helping people to gain pride and achieve their human rights.[4]
The Broken to Brilliant (B2B) power tool helps ND people to move from seeing themselves as broken or disordered (‘internalized ableism’) towards embracing their differences and strengths. Coaching can help people to understand their ‘spiky profile’ (see below) of strengths and challenges and to live as their authentic and brilliant selves.
Strengths-based approaches specifically designed for neurodivergent functioning help people on their journey toward self-acceptance and pride.
Social Model of Disability
The traditional paradigm of disability (the ‘medical model’) says that their impairments disable disabled people and they need fixing. At the extreme, disabled people can be pitied, viewed with disgust, or targeted for euthanasia. However, the social model of disability[5]explains that disability is a social construct and that people are disabled or excluded by society’s actions (or inactions). It affirms that the problem lies within an ableist society, rather than the individual. Most disability advocates favor the social model and reject efforts to change them. Autistic people, for example, strongly dislike efforts to change them in ways that are ableist and ‘neuronormative’ (the view that one brain type is best).[6]
Within the social model of disability, and the neurodiversity paradigm, specialist ND coaches work with clients to help them embrace and celebrate difference. This benefits society in myriad ways – moral, legal, financial, mental health, productivity, innovation, and much more.
Spiky Profiles
ND people often have a wider variety in their abilities (so-called ‘spiky profiles’). Prof. Nancy Doyle often describes ND people as nature specialists rather than generalists.[7] This greater variance in abilities can make people feel dysfunctional or inadequate. Society reinforces this ableist view by expecting people to master many skills and ‘punishing’ them (socially, academically, in work) when they struggle.
However, when we ND people find our niche and understand our strengths (and work to offset our difficulties) we can live at our best. In strengths coaching, assessments for patterns of skills can be useful.[8]
Labels, Diagnoses, Identity
With B2B, clients move beyond the idea of their diagnosis being a negative ‘label’ and embrace it as a valuable part of their identity. With neurodivergent-led and -affirming coaching, ND clients peel away their ableism and shame and gain pride and peace.
Broken vs. Brilliant Explanation
The B2B tool is a concept that helps clients to explore and reframe complex issues in their lives (as listed below) that may make them feel ’ broken ’ or ‘less than’. A lifetime of feeling broken, and being treated accordingly, cannot heal overnight. However, it is powerful to see oneself as an exceptional neurodivergent person rather than a flawed neurotypical one.
The common thread below is that clients reframe feelings of internalized failure and negativity, toward seeing their skills and identities as valuable and brilliant.
Common topics explored:
- Process the idea that the client might be neurodivergent
- Seek a diagnosis, if desired (self-identification is valid)
- Process a diagnosis or identification of being neurodivergent
- Process the trauma of being misunderstood, mistreated, or stigmatized
- Find strengths and challenges, using ND-specific skills assessment tools
- Manage conflict – at work, home, or any other setting
- Manage executive functions at your best’ (see other portfolio items)
- Find the right niche and place in life and work
- Find joy in being authentically neurodivergent, rather than a ‘broken’ neurotypical person
- Understand ‘energy accounting’ (sometimes called ‘spoon theory’) and managing energy at your best’
- Manage physical and mental health in ways that work for ND minds
- Negotiate relationships, new jobs, grief, or any other change
- Self-advocacy in education, work, home, or other setting
- Gain ‘reasonable adjustments’ (in UK law) in school, healthcare or education
- Aging, menopause, ill health, end-of-life advocacy, and so on
As a coach, I use the tool to help clients reframe these topics in ways that surface their brilliance, tenacity, and pride. We explore the societal barriers they have had to face and surpass; the prejudice they have experienced; and how they have succeeded and achieved remarkable things, all while not knowing why they struggled.
Below are examples in more detail.
Processing a Diagnosis
The B2B tool can help a client process a recent diagnosis. Many newly diagnosed ND people are in shock and can be upset, dysregulated, and confused. They have often faced difficulties all their life, without knowing why. A diagnosis can surface many feelings – from anger, denial, disbelief, relief, joy, connection, community, and many more. The classic grief/change curve reaction can be a useful tool as well as exploring what the diagnosis means to the individual. As ever, we meet the clients where they are.
With the B2B tool, we explore what the diagnosis means for the client, how they best process their feelings, where they might get more information, and so on. Clients can appreciate working with a neurodivergent coach, as they know the coach understands and accepts them. (Though we maintain boundaries and do not discuss the coach’s experience. Unless the client specifically asks for advice/guidance, in which case we contract for this.)
Through sessions, and their own research, the client moves towards states of acceptance and understanding. They forgive themselves for their perceived past ‘mistakes’, grieve for a past identity, and develop a new, authentic, more ND-affirming identity.
Strengths, Executive Functions, Trauma
With the B2B tool, clients explore their strengths and challenges within a new, affirming paradigm of being neurodivergent. Clients often initially believe that they have no strengths – or that their strengths are few or are overshadowed by weaknesses. They have poor self-esteem and trauma.
Executive Functions
These are cognitive processes and skills that help people plan, monitor, and meet their goals. ND people have ‘spiky profiles’ of executive function abilities. Executive functions cover:
- focus and attention
- task initiation and task switching
- time management
- working memory, short-term memory, long-term memory
- planning and problem-solving
- self-awareness and inhibition
- emotional and motivational regulation.
Each ND person is unique, but there are trends. Common struggles across all ND types include focus, time management, and planning. Common strengths include creativity and problem-solving; deep subject-matter expertise; and either verbal, written, or artistic skills.
Trauma
Trauma may surface around previously perceived ‘failures’ or ‘errors’. People have often criticized clients a great deal for those societally defined failures. Of course, we keep clear boundaries and contracts that coaching focuses on the present (though being informed by experience). We refer clients to specialist ND-affirming therapists, as needed.
We do not ‘gaslight’ the client further by getting them to see the past differently. However, using the new lens or paradigm of neurodivergence, we explore how the person’s neurodivergent strengths. Each ND person is different, and we should not perpetuate stereotypes. However, below are some common strengths by type.
Strengths
- Autistic: Pattern-spotting, strong interests, deep expertise, hyperfocus, productivity, creativity, musical or artistic talent, mathematical ability, honesty, empathy, loyalty.
- ADHD: Innovative thinking, creativity, musical, or artistic talent, problem-solving, charm, charisma, curiosity, tenacity, resilience, energy, enthusiasm, presenters.
- Dyslexic: Storytelling, puzzle-solving, spatial reasoning, conversationalists, abstract and critical thinking, long-term memory, bravery, entrepreneurs.
With the B2B tool, we explore the client’s unique strengths, how they use them, and how they might use them to offset their difficulties.
For example, creative ND clients often find innovative strategies:
- Autistic: An autistic client manages social overload through ‘energy accounting’ techniques, such as having no-meeting days or working a 9-day fortnight.
- ADHD: An ADHD client manages their focus at their best, by working at times of day that work for them and using intense movement breaks to burn off energy.
- Dyslexic: A dyslexic client presents information in engaging visual ways, rather than in text-heavy, long-form reports.
Self-Advocacy and Adjustments
The B2B tool helps clients to explore issues of self-advocacy and getting adjustments at work, in ways that they feel confident and proud of.
In the UK (and many other countries), employers must make ‘reasonable adjustments’ for disabled employees.[9]This helps to address the barriers that disabled people face; it increases equity of treatment; and increases the number of disabled people in work. These all help to support people’s well-being and the economy.
However, clients often feel mixed emotions about asking for support, including shame or embarrassment. With the B2B tool, we explore what ‘help’ and ‘support’ mean to people. For example, people may believe they will be treated differently, discriminated against, or held back if they ask for ‘special treatment’. Sadly, this can happen. However, using B2B can help people gain confidence in understanding themselves, their needs, and skills. Understanding strengths can help people to balance the internalized stigma they may hold about having different needs. If they do face discrimination, it can help clients to have a more solid foundation of pride in themselves and their skills.
These are anonymized examples of when clients have gained adjustments through using the B2B power tool and advocating for themselves:
- Autistic: Using the B2B tool, a client realizes they need more time to process verbal information. The client requests interview questions 48 hours in advance, for an important interview. The employer learns more about how to support neurodivergent candidates at interviews and the organization gains a creative new employee.
- ADHD: The client realizes they struggle with time management – particularly with managing their complex diary and workload scheduling. Through the B2B tool, they make a case for admin support to help them with these areas of their work and they take on other work more suited to their skills. Their employer sees the benefits of this ‘job carving’ method and rolls out the policy across the organization, with further productivity gains.
- Dyslexic: The client realizes they struggle to take part in meetings where people use PowerPoint slides with a lot of text. Through B2B power tool coaching, the client realizes they process information differently. They suggest to their employer a program of work to improve the accessibility of information, which helps many colleagues.
Broken vs. Brilliant a Toolkit of Methods
The B2B tool is part of a toolkit of methods, for coaching neurodivergent clients towards greater acceptance and authenticity. Clients who go on this journey become more authentically and unapologetically themselves.
The examples above focus on the workplace. However, the application of the B2B tool is often used for other areas of work:
- Revealtrauma (and refer to ND-affirming therapists accordingly)
- Raise self-esteem and self-actualization
- Understand executive functioning skills
- Examine and improve relationships with loved ones
- Examine and improve parenting
We ND people are like neurotypical people in our need for connection and meaningful lives. However, we are more likely to be vulnerable. We are more likely to have poor health, lower employment, and early mortality (including up to nine times higher suicide rates[10]).
To support ND clients requires expert understanding and practices that are neurodivergent-affirming, strengths-based, and trauma-informed. The B2B power tool provides this.
References
[1]Neurodivergent (or neurominority) minds: Minds that ‘diverge’ from a so-called norm. Includes autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, dyspraxic, dyscalculic, dysgraphic, Tourette’s, acquired brain injury, long Covid, mental health conditions, and many more. Neurotypical minds: Conform to society’s expectations. Neurodiversity: The concept that all minds are different (includes the entire population). Other terms: Salvorsen Mindroom Research Centre, Edinburgh University. Dr Sue Fletcher-Watson, et al.
[2]Double empathy problem, Milton, D, et al
[3]www.forbes.com/sites/drnancydoyle/2021/10/14/neurodiversity-is-not-a-pollyanna-concept-judy-singer-says-get-realistic/?sh=581e02556f02
[4]https://social.desa.un.org/issues/disability/crpd/convention-on-the-rights-of-persons-with-disabilities-crpd
[5]www.youtube.com/watch?v=24KE__OCKMw
[6]Autistic advocates, on ABA and other behavioral interventions
[7]Professor Nancy Doyle, founder of Genius Within
[8]Do-It profiler, Professor Amanda Kirby: https://doitprofiler.com/ Genius Within’s screener
[9]www.gov.uk/guidance/equality-act-2010-guidance
[10]www.autistica.org.uk/what-is-autism/signs-and-symptoms/suicide-and-autism