If you’ve ever struggled to accept reality in a tough situation or redirected negative feelings toward a loved one, chances are you’ve used defense mechanisms.
Defense mechanisms can greatly affect communication, relationships, and overall well-being. To make matters worse, you likely don’t even realize when you’re using them.
By understanding what defense mechanisms are and how to identify them, you can remove barriers to personal growth and foster more meaningful connections.
What are defense mechanisms?
Defense mechanisms are the unconscious ways you react to distressing situations to protect your self-esteem and reduce worry. These behaviors help you separate yourself from unpleasant thoughts or external events. They can also help create distance between you and painful feelings like guilt and shame.
Examples of defense mechanisms include the following:
- Denying that an event took place
- Creating excuses for unacceptable behavior
- Reacting to something in the exact opposite way of how you’re feeling
- Refusing to accept yourself and your flaws
Protecting yourself from emotional discomfort
Defense mechanisms are a natural part of human and clinical psychology. They exist to help you cope with traumatic experiences and unpleasant thoughts more productively.
While defense mechanisms may sound like a positive way to navigate negative thoughts and emotions, they can also be harmful. You may use unhealthy defense mechanisms in the following ways:
- To excuse certain behaviors
- To avoid facing reality
- To distort or falsify the truth
- To limit sharing of how you feel
- To avoid confronting your own negative attributes
The use of defense mechanisms can do more harm than good. It can interfere with your ability to deal with challenges effectively and cause problems in healthy relationships.
Not all coping and defense mechanisms are negative, however. Positive defense mechanisms can sometimes help you deal with negative emotions in a healthy way. Positive defense mechanisms include humor, exercise, and self-care.
Different types of defense mechanisms (with examples)
There are more than 20 types of defense mechanisms. Here are a few of the most common defense mechanisms.
Denial
When life feels like too much to handle, you may deny the reality you’re facing by creating rationalizations. This helps to protect you from harsh truths.
Examples of denial statements include the following:
- “I’m able to stop drinking whenever I want.”
- “This can’t be happening.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
Displacement
Displacement occurs when you redirect feelings about an emotional stressor toward a person or object that doesn’t pose a threat. With this defense mechanism, you may show anger toward the nearest target, even if it’s not the source of your anger
Examples of displacement include the following:
- Getting angry at your spouse because you had a bad day
- Using aggression toward something, like impulsively punching a wall or breaking an object
- Being upset with someone who delivers bad news they have no control over
Isolation
Isolation is a defense mechanism that involves blocking out emotions associated with traumatic events. When you isolate your feelings, you can recall and discuss details of the event without emotion.
Examples of emotionally significant events that may spark isolation include the following:
- Car wrecks
- House fires
- Divorce
- Job loss
Projection
Projection is placing unwanted feelings or thoughts about yourself on someone else to avoid feeling vulnerable or experiencing shame. This can lead to taking on a victim mentality that assumes you have no part in any unwanted events.
Here are a few examples of projection:
- Accusing your spouse of infidelity when you’re the one cheating
- A parent telling their children not to chase dreams because the parent never felt they succeeded
- Criticizing someone for always having to speak first when you struggle with the same issue
Passive aggression
Passive aggression is a defense mechanism in which you indirectly show resentment or hostility toward others to restore a sense of self.
Examples of passive aggression as a defense mechanism include the following:
- Constantly talking over others to feel more in control
- Always avoiding eye contact with someone you resent or don’t like
- Being late for an event on purpose
Reaction formation
Reaction formation is when you show emotions that are opposite to how you feel. This defense mechanism is not the same as cognitive dissonance, which is a separate psychological concept that occurs when you have conflicting emotions.
Examples of reaction formation include:
- Acting excited about something you’re terrified to do
- Being overly kind to someone you dislike
- Teasing or insulting a romantic interest
Sublimation
Sublimation is when you redirect your strong feelings about something into another activity that allows you to express that energy healthily. This defense mechanism is a positive way to deal with overwhelming feelings.
Here are a few examples of sublimation:
Repression
Repression is when you unconsciously suppress painful memories instead of facing the trauma. The success of this technique is short-lived, and these repressed memories usually cause problems later.
Examples of repression include the following:
- Finding it difficult to recall something that should be readily available to discuss
- Having an intense fear of something and not knowing why
- Having no recollection of childhood trauma, even though it profoundly impacted your life
How defense mechanisms can hinder growth
While certain defense mechanisms may be helpful when facing strong emotions, they can quickly become a roadblock to positive self-improvement. Here are a few ways defense mechanisms can pose problems.
Avoiding challenges and growth opportunities
If left unchecked, defense mechanisms can ultimately lead to stagnation and a decreased ability to perform daily tasks. Over time, defense mechanisms can cause more prominent challenges related to emotions, social functioning, and overall mental health.
Perpetuating negative self-talk and limiting beliefs
Defense mechanisms can cause you to have a distorted view of yourself that may lead to negative self-talk and self-pity. Examples of negative thoughts include the following:
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “Everyone is better than me.”
- “I don’t fit in.”
Consistent repetition of these negative thoughts can create toxic effects. Negative self-talk has been found to decrease motivation and increase mental health problems like depression, anxiety, OCD, and others. A 2022 study of 258 gymnasts even demonstrated a direct correlation between negative self-talk and decreased performance.
Defense mechanisms can also cause you to accept limiting beliefs that keep you from doing certain things. This can lead you to self-sabotage yourself unintentionally.
Strained relationships and missed connections
Consistent use of defense mechanisms can interfere with relationships. Defense mechanisms may limit your self-awareness, which can make it hard to be authentic in a relationship.
Other ways that defense mechanisms can strain relationships include the following:
- Creating feelings of resentment due to consistent passive aggression or blaming
- Experiencing breakdowns in communication and trust
- Causing misunderstandings and an inability to connect with others
Defense mechanisms can impair your emotional regulation skills, which increases the risk of mental health challenges.
Identifying your own defense mechanisms
Because defense mechanisms are typically subconscious, it can be difficult to recognize them in yourself and others. Here are a few tips for uncovering how you’re protecting your emotions.
Recognizing common patterns in your behavior
Generating more self-awareness can help you identify patterns consistent with common defense mechanisms. To recognize your patterns and increase self-awareness, try the following strategies:
Examining underlying emotions and triggers
Since defense mechanisms are unconscious ways of protecting yourself from emotional stress, achieving conscious awareness of your feelings is important. To understand underlying emotional triggers, you need to be more self-aware of when you use them and how they may harm you and others.
For example, if you use displacement as a defense mechanism, you can consider why you’re blaming others and who it may hurt. Then, the next time you have the impulse to blame someone, you can catch yourself and turn your reaction into a more positive and productive one.
Don’t forget to practice self-compassion along the way. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes.
Seeking honest feedback from trusted individuals
If you’re having trouble nailing down your defense mechanisms, ask your family members and friends to give you honest feedback on your communication skills.
Remember to initially consider their perspectives as opinions and approach their feedback with curiosity. Write down what they say so you can examine their thoughts later. Increasing your consciousness of your defense mechanisms can limit their power and effect on your life.
Strategies for overcoming unhelpful defense mechanisms
Once your defense mechanisms have been brought to light, here are some strategies you can use to deal with them.
Challenging negative thoughts and limiting beliefs
Negative comments can be hard to overcome when they stem from your inner voice. When you feel like you’re being challenged by negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, ask yourself the following questions:
- Is there credible evidence to back up this negative thought or belief?
- What credible evidence do I have against this negative thought?
- When did I last feel this way? Did my fears come true?
Try to walk through each thought rationally, as if you’re gathering evidence to argue it in a court case. Doing so can help you see the bigger picture and distinguish emotions from facts.
Embracing healthy coping strategies
Since most defense mechanisms are about reducing unpleasant emotions, you can help work against them by establishing healthy coping mechanisms to manage your internal stress and feelings. This can help prevent you from taking these feelings out on others.
Here are examples of healthy coping mechanisms you can try:
- Personify your inner critic to catch them in the act. Give them a name and personality to help distinguish their comments from your true feelings.
- Practice healthy relaxation techniques.
- Improve your social health and social support.
- Learn new problem-solving strategies.
- Prioritize your physical well-being with healthy eating and exercise.
Remaining committed to breaking your pattern of using defense mechanisms is also a key to success.
How BetterUp coaching can help
Individual coaching can have a powerful, positive impact on self-confidence and your ability to manage emotions effectively. Here are a few benefits of coaching that can help you better understand where your defense mechanisms are coming from.
Uncovering underlying issues and emotional triggers
A recent study about how BetterUp’s virtual professional coaching can improve well-being showed that the first area in which most members develop skills is introspection. Self-awareness and introspection lay the foundation for identifying underlying feelings or triggers that may be causing you to use defense mechanisms.
Developing effective communication skills
All types of coaching can help you develop effective communication skills. Many defense mechanisms stem from poor communication, whether you’re unintentionally projecting blame or using passive aggression.
A personal coach can help you determine the best way to deliver a message when you feel frustrated. They can also help you develop active listening skills to ensure it’s a two-way conversation.
Building resilience and healthy coping mechanisms
BetterUp members see an average increase of 14% in their resilience. Developing resiliency can help you better adapt to stressful situations and give you a more positive outlook on change.
Coaching can help you build resilience by giving you feedback on your self-awareness and providing additional tools to increase it.
Embrace growth by breaking down defense mechanisms
If you’re not sure how to begin breaking down your defense mechanisms, start by connecting with a BetterUp coach. This personal guidance can help you reach your goals faster. Find the best 1:1 coach.
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