A Coaching Power Tool By Sonal Shah, Transformation Coach, AUSTRALIA
The Inner-Critic (ME) vs. Inner-Coach (ME) Power Tool
I cannot do anything perfectly.
I am incapable of achieving my goals
I am a looser as I can’t keep track of my goals.
I haven’t achieved anything so far in my life.
I am a bad wife as I can’t have a healthy conversation with my husband.
I am a horrible mother as I can’t support my child during difficult situation.
I am a looser as I can’t focus on the task and complete it.
I am always been like this.
I am not good enough as I can’t make more friends.
I am incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship with the people who care about me.
I cannot achieve success and get the promotion as I am not good enough.
I cannot get the dream job of mine as I am not good enough.
What Is the Difference Between Inner-Critic (ME) vs. Inner-Coach (ME)
When I read the above-underlined statement, I would say Inner-Critic (ME) is in full action. I feel deprived of energy, my neck is stiff, my shoulders are heavy, my heart is beating a lot faster, my breath is shallow, there is a knot in my stomach and my legs are feeling weak. I feel sick overall. A lot of heavy emotions can be felt like Anger, Resentment, Lack of love, and joy. I start to behave (Act) in a way by self-sabotaging my efforts, procrastinating, over judgemental and critical of myself, avoiding situations or people, isolate myself.
If I imagine myself listening to the Inner-Critic (ME), I feel like I am my own enemy who is stopping me from learning and growing to become a better version of myself. It’s not differentiating between me and a challenging moment or an event. It sees me completely only when I am flawless, focuses on my outcomes over efforts that are unsustainable, encourages me to hold on to my limiting beliefs, and is extremely judgemental and critical towards me.
Navigating through Inner-Crtic (ME) is draining and difficult and by letting it take hold of me, I stop myself from thriving and blooming to become the best version of myself.
Now if I have to flip the Inner-Critic (ME)toInner-Coach (ME) then this is what it would be:
It is ok things didn’t work out this time. I can try again and do things differently next time.
I can achieve my goals. This time I might require more effort.
I am not a loser, I can keep track of my goals. I might just need help this time which is ok too.
I can achieve anything I want as I have achieved many things before.
I am a good wife and working on having a healthy conversation with my husband.
I am a great mother but will have to build on skills to help my child during difficult situations.
I am not a loser, I can focus on a task and complete it.
I am willing to work on myself and let go of things that don’t serve me.
I am enough the way I am and I am putting effort into making more friends.
I am capable of maintaining a healthy relationship with people who care about me.
I can achieve success and get the promotion as I am good enough.
I can get my dream job of mine as I am good enough.
When I read the above-highlighted statements, I would say the Inner-Coach (ME) is in action. I feel energized, my neck loosens up, my shoulders relax, my breathing is at a normal pace, my heart is beating at a normal rate and my legs are not shaky. I feel at ease overall. A lot of lighter emotions can be felt like Calmness, Compassion, Self-love, Joy, Happiness, and Contentment. I started to behave (Act) by working one step at a time towards the goal, managing my time efficiently, and problems, reaching out to people to seek help, appreciating the efforts put in, being kind, and building habits that support growth.
If I imagine myself listening to Inner-Coach (ME), I feel like I am being my best friend who is helping me to learn and grow to become a better version of myself. It is different between me and a challenging moment or an event. It sees me completely even if I have flaws, focuses on efforts over outcomes which is sustainable, helps me to challenge my limiting beliefs, and shows grace and compassion towards me.
Navigating through these Inner-Coach (ME)is fulfilling and rewarding and by letting it take hold of me, I thrive and bloom to become the best version of myself.
Who is taking hold of you regularly? Inner-Critic (ME) or Inner-Coach (ME). It is important to understand that we all have Inner-Critic (ME) or Inner-Coach (ME) both within us. It is more about being aware of who drives us to act, feel, and sense the world around us.
In Coaching when we spot a client letting the Inner-Critic (ME) drive them, we can help them by asking questions like:
- Is it true? You cannot do anything.
- What makes you think that you’re not good enough?
- What thoughts make you feel you are not capable?
- What thoughts make you act like……?
By drawing attention toward their Inner-Critic (ME), we can build momentum to move the client towards building an Inner-Coach (ME) that:
- support them to challenge their limiting beliefs.
- support to build positive self-talk.
- support to appreciate efforts over the outcome.
- support to build awareness of their thoughts.
- Support to put their thoughts into perceptive.
- Support to differentiating themselves with the challenging moment or event.
- Support building positive affirmations or mantras.
- Support to check on their feeling and actions regularly.