Parenting is a whirlwind.
No matter what kind of parent you are, raising kids is just as challenging as it is rewarding. Bringing up a child who’s kind, confident, and strong enough to face the world takes work — and much of that work comes from you.
As a parent, you’re your child’s first role model. Kids observe everything and learn their first lessons about the world and how they should behave from you. Many parents recognize this and strive to use a parenting style that teaches their children without disrespecting them.
Investing in your parenting skills helps you and your children grow together. Here are a few qualities you can model to help your kids become the emotionally intelligent, well-rounded people you want them to be.
12 parenting skills to improve
Learning how to be a better parent is a top priority for moms, dads, and caregivers worldwide. But resources are lacking. Research from ZERO TO THREE, a non-profit studying early childhood, shows that 54% of parents want more information about raising kids.
There’s also a growing push among parents to approach the process differently from their upbringing. According to a report from the Pew Research Center, nearly half of parents say they aim to raise their kids differently than their parents did. And the movement toward gentle or mindful parenting in recent years asks parents to notice how they interact with their children and always respond with respect and positivity.
Needless to say, parenting is complex. But whether you’re a gentle parent or follow a different leadership style, you can work to become a better parent by honing the following skills.
1. Communication
Being a parent involves constant communication. In the toddler days, that communication might look like, “Don’t touch that!” or “Don’t eat that!” And when your kids get older, those common phrases might become, “Be home by 9!” and “Make good choices!”
Regardless of how old your kids are, developing strong communication skills early on will make the parenthood road easier and more effective. Use age-appropriate language that approaches instruction with fairness and an open mind. It’s not always easy to respond to behavior with calm, clear language, but a positive relationship starts with communication.
2. Active listening
Many children love to talk. They want to tell you about their toys, the bug they saw at the park, and a million other thoughts that enter their growing minds.
As a parent, these early years are a perfect time to practice active listening and show your kids you care about what they have to say. And the more you practice this skill, you’ll teach your kids they can come to you with anything — which is especially important as they get older and have bigger problems.
3. Empathy
As an adult, it’s easy to forget the challenges of being a child. And when they don’t listen to your instruction or start throwing a tantrum, frustration grows.
But children’s brains continue to develop until their mid-to-late 20s, so they don’t always have the ability to do what you ask. Additionally, they don’t finish forming the part of their brain responsible for emotional regulation until they’re eight or nine. Approaching children with empathy and compassion allows their minds to develop without extra pressure or confusion.
4. Education
As a parent, you’re likely your child’s first teacher. You teach them to eat, walk, and talk long before they enter formal education. And even when kids start school, you still teach them by helping with homework and encouraging positive behaviors.
Studying different education and coaching skills can help you find the best method for teaching your kids and helping them start their academic careers. It’s also a good practice to research learning styles and discover which one suits your child. That way, you can give them the specific tools they need to succeed.
5. Giving praise
Research shows that parental praise builds resilience and self-esteem. In fact, vague praise like a thumbs-up is actually more beneficial than specific praise because it doesn’t link a child’s good work to a trait like intelligence. Ambiguous praise brings less pressure and gives kids more space to improve.
As a parent, you should strive to be your child’s cheerleader, showering them with compliments and helping them develop self-love. But it’s also important to do so thoughtfully and intentionally so they have room to grow and don’t feel pressure to perform.
6. Conflict resolution
A child’s world has more conflict than you might think, from parental rules to playground spats. If you want your kid to navigate childhood — and adulthood — successfully, they should understand the basics of conflict resolution.
Teach them this vital skill by talking them through disagreements with others, like you or their siblings, and by modeling effective conflict resolution in your own life. Kids are sponges, and showing them how to behave is often more effective than telling them.
7. Safety
Learning how to be a good parent usually starts with keeping your little one safe. You babyproof the house, learn how to hold them properly, and watch them like a hawk to make sure they’re doing well and out of harm’s way. This is a critical part of good parenting, but how can you be sure your child will stay safe when you’re not around?
Brushing up on your safety basics and teaching them to your child can go a long way toward putting your mind at ease, especially if you’re a working parent. Show them how to communicate when they’re hurt and find a trusted adult in any situation. It’s difficult to think of worst-case scenarios, but prepping your child helps prevent them.
8. Autonomy and independence
Effective parenting isn’t just about your role in your family’s happiness and health. Your children should also learn how to be independent and strong so they know how to navigate the “real world” when they become adults.
Start by giving them responsibilities within your family. Young children can do simple tasks like picking up their toys or feeding family pets. And as you explore the world together, like taking the subway or going to the movies, explain the actions you’re taking so they understand what to do when they’re independent.
9. Cooperation
Teamwork is a vital life skill that everyone needs to learn — especially if you want your child to work well with others at school and even in an office. One of the best ways for kids to learn teamwork skills is to start practicing them with you.
Work together to complete household projects, schoolwork, and more to teach them what healthy collaboration and cooperation looks like. Couple your efforts with positive reinforcement, and you’ll watch your kids become expert team players in no time.
10. Stress management
Children’s mental health has worsened since 2020, so much so that the American Academy of Pediatrics has deemed it a national crisis. With this in mind, some of the most important advice for parents is to teach kids how to healthily manage stress and communicate their feelings.
Social media, bullying, and more significantly strain today’s children. They can handle it effectively, and become stronger, if they have some great stress management techniques in their emotional toolkits. And it sets the tone for their future emotional regulation skills.
11. Life skills
No list of tips on parenting would is complete without the obvious: teach your kids practical life skills. They’ll eventually leave home and live on their own, and when they do, they’ll need to know how to do their laundry, cook their meals, and do all the other tasks that are part of daily living.
It’s also essential to help your kids develop problem-solving strategies and other soft skills they’ll need for success in the adult world.
12. Patience
It’s nearly impossible to overstate the importance of patience in life. People need patience to get through everything from waiting at their local coffee shop to getting a test result from the doctor. Teach your children to be patient when they’re young, and show patience when you interact with them. It’s a skill that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
8 ways to improve parenting skills
The skills above can help your kids live happy, healthy, and successful lives — but the learning has to start with you. By managing your emotions and behavior with conscious parenting, you’ll model healthy skill development and encourage your kids to be their best selves.
Here’s some parental advice to help you (and your kids) gain these valuable skills:
1. Boost self-esteem
Invest time in building your child’s self-esteem. Kids today have plenty of voices ready to tear them down, from societal beauty standards to bullies online. Make sure your children know that you’re their biggest fan and their constant supporter — and that, most importantly, they should stop comparing themselves to others.
Model great self-esteem by boosting your own and avoiding negative self-talk. Before long, everyone in your home will feel better about themselves.
2. Recognize the good in your kids
Every kid misbehaves sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they intend to. Remember, a child’s brain doesn’t develop all at once. Emotional regulation takes time, as does understanding right and wrong.
Giving your kids a time-out when they shout, hit, or throw toys might help change the child’s behavior at the moment, but take a moment to reflect and understand why they made that choice. In most cases, your child tries their best to be good.
3. Set limits
It’s natural to give kids limits to keep them safe. Parental guidelines keep them away from electrical outlets, foods they’re allergic to, and much more. But setting boundaries with your child doesn’t have to stop with telling them what not to do.
Setting boundaries for yourself is also good practice. In fact, learning how to say no to your kids when you’re busy or tired teaches them patience and how to advocate for their needs.
4. Spend quality time with your kids
Spending quality time with your family with a game night, a weekend excursion, or a walk around the neighborhood helps kids practice social skills and build healthy relationships with their parents, siblings, and other relatives. If you and the rest of your family are tired, a quiet movie night does the trick too.
5. Communicate openly
Good parenting skills start with good communication. The more you talk to your children, the more likely they will be to talk to you.
Keep an open dialogue with your kids about family dynamics, responsibilities, and their place in the world. When they ask questions, give them eye contact and answer as best you can, keeping their developmental level and your availability in mind. It sets the tone for communication in all parts of their lives.
6. Be flexible and open-minded
There’s one thing you can predict about raising kids: it’s unpredictable. Kids might get sick, feel overtired, or tell you they need help with a huge science project the night before it’s due.
As a parent, your job is to remain flexible and ready to help your kids manage the situation as best they can. Sometimes, this means skipping a playdate to take a nap.
Other times, it means helping them learn effective project management and the consequences of procrastination. But as long as you approach the situation with a growth mindset and a willingness to help your child grow, you can handle anything.
7. Regulate your emotions
It’s important to teach your kids life skills, but it’s equally important to be a good role model and practice these skills in your life, too. Children watch everything, and if your parenting philosophy is “Do as I say, not as I do,” they will notice.
Children mimic their parents from a young age, so show them how to behave. Practice using self-control and techniques like deep breathing or meditation to manage your emotions healthily, and your children will be more inclined to do the same.
8. Offer unconditional love
Your child needs food, entertainment, and more on a day-to-day basis. But one thing your child needs most of all is your love. That’s why the most important parenting tip is to ensure your child knows that you love them all the time: bad or good behavior, happy or sad, winner or loser. If you’re a constant source of love and support, your kids will walk through the world a little bit bolder.
Be the best parent you can be
Learning parenting skills isn’t easy, and there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. But trying is the best place to start. If you put in the effort to learn how to better yourself — through journaling, parent coaching, or any other technique — your whole family will see benefits that last for generations.
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